My Infinity 》Renga

19

Chapter 19- Langa's POV:

This is nothing like how I imagined a confession going.

"You don't need to pretend to feel the same way about me as I feel about you," Reki sighs, "why would you regret it? Don't feel sorry for me..."

"I didn't and I don't feel sorry for you, Reki!" I say. I brush the tears from his beautiful face.

"The whole reason I got hurt was because I was worrying about you." He admits, taking a few steps backwards. I notice him clicking his fingers on his good hand repeatedly, a nervous habit I'd picked up on him having.

"What...?"

"I heard you crying while talking to Joe. I thought something was wrong, I thought I'd done something wrong!"

"What? I was talking to him about this screwed up situation with Kaiyo!"

We just stare at each other.

"I'm not mad at you. I'm just sorry. You shouldn't have been worrying about me..."

"Yeah, well, I can't help it! I'm always thinking about you!" He yells, "Always! I can't help but worry about you, Langa, because when I heard you crying I nearly burst into that room! I would've done anything to know that I wasn't the reason you were crying!"

He stands silently, looking as though it is hurting him to say these words.

"I'm always thinking about you too." I say definitely.

"Not in the same way!"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't get it, do you?" He stutters, words becoming slurred through tears, "Ever since I met you you've made everything better. You made me happy."

"Sounding like I do think the same way!" I interject.

He doesn't reply.

"I'd never pity you, it was me being an idiot! I wish I'd have reacted better, I really, really should've! I messed up, I know I did, and this is my fault. I'm so sorry!" I cry.

He clearly doesn't know how to respond, and I don't blame him.

"I got scared." I explain, my voice shaking, "Because I thought it'd make things worse with this dumb love triangle. Because I was worried that I'd hurt you! I hate seeing you hurt, Reki! I didn't want to risk being the reason you're in pain. I was too damn scared of losing you! As I walked out of that room after making that mistake, the only thing stopping me from running back was the thought of accidentally harming you! I would never, never, want to do that."

"Why do you care so much?" He asks, looking up suddenly, his voice a quivering mixture of anxiousness, confusion and sadness. I take a deep breath as I'm forced to watch him cry. Seeing him hurt is the most terrible thing, it makes me feel hurt.

"Why wouldn't you want to hurt me?" He sobs.

"Because you mean more to me than you'd ever even begin to comprehend."

"What?"

"Haven't you figured it out yet? Haven't you realized that losing you is my worst nightmare?" I cry, all of my frustration, all of my sadness and regret and everything else I'd ever felt for the beautiful boy standing there pouring out of me.

We are quiet for a second. Reki buries his face in his hands, his breathing an anxious rattle.

"I'm sorry." He says eventually, still not looking up, "I was scared too. I was so scared."

I don't know how to respond to the statement, so I say nothing.

"What if..."

The red headed boy cuts himself off, looking away as if I'm a nostalgic photograph that he can't deal with seeing today.

"What if, what?" I ask.

"What if I promise you'll never lose me?" He asks, suddenly spinning his head back around to look at me, not caring for the glassiness of his amber eyes.

"Isn't it impossible to make a promise like that?" I ask.

"Then I want to be the first to do it." Reki says, "I never want to lose you either. So I promise that whatever kind of relationship we have I won't leave you alone."

"R-really? What if we hate each other?"

"I... don't think I'll ever hate you. Never. Not truly. You are..."

He stops there, biting his lip nervously, perhaps not knowing how to finish the sentence or not wanting too. Instead, he runs forward and hugs me. I can tell that the suddenness made his arm hurt but he doesn't say anything. I slowly wrap my arms around him to calm the anxiety and he clings to me like I'll disappear. It feels nice.

"Langa, I'm not scared anymore." He whispers.

"Me neither." 

I don't even know how long we stand there on the footpath.

"Hey, Reki..." I say.

"What?" He asks, keeping his head on my shoulder.

"Can I kiss you, now?" I inquire softly.

He pulls back and looks at me. I feel nervousness and excitement overtaking me. I can hear my heartbeat loud in my ears as I focus on him, hoping he'll say yes.

His expression says it all. Relieved. Happy. Eager. He nods. So I kiss him.

I see fireworks and explosions of color and emotion behind my closed eyes as our lips meet, and I lean forward to deepen the warm embrace as he cups my jawline, his hand gently brushing my skin as I let my own fingers become entangled in his frizzy hair.

As we break apart, moving back, he holds his hand out to me, signaling the beginning of our handshake.

I nearly start crying again as our hands form the two shaky circles I added to the handshake.

Instead of dropping my hand down, he takes mine instead and pulls me forward so that we're close again.

"I think you're stuck with me now."

"Of course. You made our first kiss into a joke. I love it." I smile.

"Yeah. But I wasn't lying. I'm never leaving you." He promises, expression softening. I put my arms around his neck.

"Fine by me. I meant it when I said I wanted to skate infinitely with you." I say, feeling the now familiar mix of nervousness and sheer joy as my boyfriend runs a hand through my hair, brushing my neck gently as he does so.

Boyfriend. Fricking finally.

"You're so pretty. Did I ever tell you that?" He whispers.

"No, but it makes me happy that you think that..." I giggle, "and so are you."

We stay still for a few seconds and I kiss his nose. It just feels like the right thing to do. He blushes and returns to hugging me again so I can't see how red he's gone, even though I've obviously figured it out for myself.

"Want to go out somewhere?" I ask, looking at him in that way I'd tried to not let him see for so long. 

I can do that now. I can look at him with that look without worrying about him picking up on it. I can hold his hand all the time. I can hug him, and kiss him, and hold him, and love him...

He nods in response to the question, leaning forward, our eyes locked and our heads pressed together.

"You're my infinity, Langa."