Black as Night (Sirius Black)

Because Tomorrow Might Be Good for Something

Song video - "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty

"I understand your strong desire for a family, Mr. Black, but surely you see the need to exercise some impulse control?" Mitchell Moody was cautioning him and scrawling notes with his quill simultaneously. He always took notes continuously throughout their sessions— seeming to make note of Sirius's every change of expression, tone, and choice of phrase.

Sirius had been bursting at the seams to talk to someone about Colleen, but he wanted to give Remus some space. Sirius knew he'd been a lot to handle in the past few weeks. And Dr. Moody at least got paid for house calls to deal with his manic theatrics.

"Impulse control? What's that? Sounds rather horrid." Sirius leaned back on his sofa with a grin.

Quill still scrawling. "Impulse control is perhaps what you lacked when you asked Professor Aspenfell to marry you after only knowing her for two months. You see that did not end as you had hoped."

"This is different," Sirius replied dismissively. "This is meant to be."

"Obviously you and Professor Aspenfell seem meant to be as well, in a way. She saved your life."

"Okay, then see? My 'impulse' was right." Sirius winked triumphantly.

"The point is, Mr. Black, that something can seem meant to be but not have the outcome that you intend. I'm not advising you to abandon the prospect of Ms. Gilmore altogether, but perhaps you should curtail your expectations."

"But the Amortentia. I'm meant to love her."

"Amortentia only reveals the deepest desire of our hearts. Did you not pay attention in Potions class, Mr. Black? Many people desire and never possess. It's not Divination; there is a clear distinction."

Sirius frowned. He felt a bit rabid as he always did whenever someone defied his instincts with logic. Dr. Moody shared his older brother's commanding presence but tempered it with a sage wisdom rather than Mad-Eye's forceful action. Both men almost always accomplished their goals. Dumbledore evidently had a plan when he chose the doctor to work with Sirius.

"But how would I know I desired her if I never met her and it wasn't pre-destined? I feel like you're ignoring something big here, doctor."

"Mr. Black— how many women on this earth use that particular washing powder for their laundry?Quite a few, I presume, or the manufacturer would not be in business. Likewise the perfume. And coffee? These are not rare items. And they all point to a common factor, in my mind, which is comfort. Something I daresay you've been lacking since you were a boy. It is natural you would gravitate to a beautiful woman who happens to be a nurturing mother. I recall you told me you entertained the notion of children with Professor Aspenfell as well, yes? Tell me— what are your feelings surrounding Harry lately?"

Sirius felt a dark cloud creep in for the first time in the past 24 hours and he wanted to wave it away. The truth was he felt so much anger with Dumbledore regarding Harry that he had promptly banished the thoughts whenever they turned up. Harry was his sacred charge— given to him by his best friend, his chosen family. No one had a right to take that from him, not even the head of the Order.

"I don't want to talk about Harry," Sirius answered grimly.

"Fair enough. Another day then." Dr. Moody put the quill down and folded his hands, leveling his gaze. "But I do want you to think of Harry when you interact with Ms. Gilmore and her son. Think of the boundaries and protection you would want for Harry and allow Ms. Gilmore to maintain the ones she chooses for her own child. It's important you don't transfer the gravity of your feelings for Harry onto a child that is not yours. He deserves space to process his grief for his father and space to just be a child. The boy cannot be a tool for you to right your own perceived wrongs, Sirius."