Black as Night (Sirius Black)

Not Listening When You Say Goodbye

Chapter title from "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind.
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"All that to say, Doc— how do I love her like I do— how can I be this happy— and still seem so miserable any time my thoughts take a different turn? Dark...angry...resentful?" Sirius stared straight ahead at the dreary bare walls of his flat. He was really only returning for therapy sessions these days, spending the remainder of his time at Colleen's.

"She and Ben can't be the only thing I live for— if they are, then how am I any good to them?" Sirius continued. "What am I bringing to them besides this desperate need for them, to keep me sane, keep me whole? It can't all be on their shoulders."

Quill scratching. Dr. Moody cleared his throat. "I must commend the fact that you've recognized this paradox, Mr. Black. You've come a long way since our first meeting nearly four months ago. Have you considered employment, perhaps?"

Sirius blinked. "What? You want me to get a job?"

"Well, it is a healthy distraction if you feel you may be smothering Colleen and her son with your constant attentions. And it would give you a new avenue for achievements, and allow you to contribute financially through your own labors rather than rely on the fortunes of a family for which you feel no past affection. I'm not saying to run out straight away and begin completing applications, but it's something to consider."

"Don't you have to have experience to work in the Muggle world? Education?"

"With your charm and intelligence I'm sure you'll land something, if you put your mind to it."

Sirius chewed on this possibility while sauntering to the kitchen to put on some tea, Dr. Moody showing himself out as normal. Securing employment in the Muggle world seemed like the final nail in the wizarding world coffin. He would be defined by whatever new career he chose, devoting almost the entire day, with his nights devoted to Colleen and Ben. It would leave little to no time to do anything for the Order— not that they'd given him even the smallest assignment. He hadn't even heard from Dumbledore; Remus was still underground with the wolves; Tonks in Hogsmeade. Rhiannon did report to Colleen's most weekends, but the focus of that was to set new intentions for Colleen's manifestations and to deliver new candles and books.

She brought news of Harry, too, of course. He'd been doing exceedingly well at Potions— a fact Sirius considered a bit odd, since the two had often discussed their mutual frustration and displeasure with the subject. Harry had also been selected for Slug Club; no surprise on that one, given Slughorn's tendency to hang his own hat adoringly on anyone with celebrity status or anyone who may be "going places." The final bit of news Rhiannon had brought was that Harry had already lost one of his Quidditch team members, Katie Bell. Harry had witnessed her fall prey to a dark, nasty curse that nearly killed her during their Hogsmeade weekend, and the poor girl was laid up in St. Mungo's.

"Harry apparently thinks Draco Malfoy is responsible." Rhiannon had lowered her voice to a whisper, green eyes dancing furtively around even though Colleen and Ben were in the kitchen and she and Sirius alone. "Severus would hate me telling you that, so please keep it between us. I only know because Minerva told me. Severus shuts down any talk of Draco immediately these days."

"Well, if Harry thinks Draco is up to something, then he is," Sirius had insisted. "And judging from your husband's reactions, I think that further confirms it. You need to get Severus to tell you what's going on. Can't you blow him or something?"

"Sirius!" Rhiannon's laughter had pealed through the flat. "It's always sex with you, isn't it?"

"I could say the same to you," Sirius had replied with a grin. "At any rate, if Draco is up to something, then Harry is in danger, so I need you to find out. I'm surprised if Severus knows he hasn't told you."