Ive known there was a cycle for quite some time now
however,
i havnt known the ins and outs of every step along the way.
Its hard growing up. Everyone has their issues and, while some are born with more, its never easy. The human brain likes to give us reasons to be sad, even when another person in our situation would see us as living their ideal life.
I've started to truthfully understand the most critical part of the cycle.
The Downfall.
The rise that led me to where i am is no longer taking me up, but keeping me here. I don't want to be here. Im used to going up.
So if i cant go up...
It cant be my fault. I cant wait to go up again. Its the people around me. My closest friend and those i love most. I have to hate them. I need to leave them.
only then can i go up again.
Break the cycle
I've known i have toxic traits for quite some time now.
however,
I haven't known the ins and outs of those toxic traits.
Each time someone opening the box of my own toxicity in front of me, I take it too literally. I take their word as god and do everything in my power to change everything about myself, hoping that trait will change as well. I tried being sweet, i tried being cute, i tried being seductive. no personality can stop you from being a coward.
I think I've started to truthfully understand the most critical toxic trait of mine.
Consistancy.
If there is a cycle, there will always be a cycle. If i make a promise, I will never break that promise. If there is a problem, there will always be a problem. Due to my desire to have consistency in the persona i portray allows the negative traits to follow as i attempt to change everything around me.
Break the cycle.
I've known about my issues with love and relationships for quite some time.
however,
Ive done nothing about it
I've done nothing to fix it
Ive began to truthfully understand how much one person can hurt another and yet nothing is done about it.
if I'm fixed, others will break me again. its best to stay broken so that all the fatal blows don't harm the full shell.
Break the cycle.
There is no cycle. I get anxious and i get scared. The timer tics down but i don't know how far its going and i don't know how long its been. Once the glass runs out it will all come to an end.
My overwhelming desire to believe i have control over what happens to me is ultimately the largest factor in my crippling mental health.
There is no cycle. I get worried and i get protective. I let them know too much and need to know how to get out. The issue that began will never be solved and the pain that will come soon after should come sooner so it hurts less.
There is no cycle.
Your Intake will be on Friday at 3pm.
This will be a repeated appointment until you break the cycle.
Goodluck.
