For the longest time I've described mental health as falling.
Falling endlessly
At the bottom... Death. The end. Fin
There are a million different cliffs and places you can go to avoid falling farther and farther
Some cliffs are lonely but peaceful. Some cliffs are scary and sometimes it feels like the only way to get off curtain cliffs is by jumping. Falling more and more. Whenever I thought about being as mentally unwell as I was, I would envision me... falling. Desperately trying to grapple onto every little ledge and cliff I could. Most of them were artists. I grappled onto Panic at the disco, Twenty one pilots, Dodie, Jack Johnson, Conan Gray, and so many others. But I couldn't stay for long. The temporary distraction helped for a little while but within months I was back at it again! Falling.
Then I went into high school. I was alone at first and desperate for change. I made great friends with my choir and theatre groups. I had hoisted myself back onto a cliff. It was sturdy and beautiful and awesome.
Then Coronavirus started. It was like some unseen force grabbed me and chucked me back into the abyss, falling again. But this time, Faster!
Then I found Starkid. My sister introduced me with The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals. I had found a temporary cliff again! Little did I know
I started doing readthroughs with these random people I had never known. We would literally read through the script of a musical and sing the songs and stuff. I had found my most permanent cliff haha. But this time, I can't push these friends away and start falling again. They'll grab my hand and pull me right back up.
I started to fall a little bit. But Annika caught me. Sophie and Annika helped me so much to not fall again.
We might not be able to climb back up to perfect health, but we will carve our home into this cliff. We will make a new life where the abyss is nothing but a background character.
I can't wait.
