He's cold, insensitive and rude... But why can't I stay away?
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My love life was the last of my problems. Last year, bullies, penny less... Senior year didn't present itself exactly as a dream. And everything gets even worst when...
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The first thing I noticed when stirring awake was the swinging sensation, like I fell asleep on a cloud. Or a boat. It took me a few more moments to realize I was indeed resting over Connor's chest, raising and falling with his steady deep breaths. The air passed his lips and collided with my forehead, making me dizzy and the weight on my back was his arm. Mine were pooling aimlessly on his sides and my legs were straddling one of his. A large amount of our bodies were tangled and I found my heart doubling its beat as I grew more conscious.
My eyes fluttered open, slowly, heavily, and as expected, I immediately recognized Connor's room. The thumping of his heart, steady and loud against my ear is like a melody luring me to peace as I woke up more and more.
Raising my gaze pass his chest I noticed the laptop and the rest of last night snacks on the chair that's been dragged closer to the bed. By me, I remembered slowly. Once again, Connor had fallen asleep during the movie so I got to tiptoe and put everything away before laying on the furthest end of the bed, trying not to bother him. I clearly must have moved at some point.
There were soft sunlights coming from the window, but when I tried to look further to glimpse at the alarm clock in his night stand the movement got Connor stirring and I froze, hoping he wasn't waking up. Or for him to.
I wasn't sure.
The other time I'd spend here I also somehow ended cuddling Connor, almost like it was only natural and was drawn closer. A part of me wanted for him to open his eyes, saw me there and take in his unfiltered reaction. But at the same time, I was terrified by it. Scared of being pushed away once more when we'd made so many advances the previous nights.
I smiled to myself thinking back at it. I liked that. Connor was usually closed off and cold. I had gotten accustomed to his rude ways, but last night he let his walls down and let me in. I saw something more than the carefully built façade he'd put up through the months we've known each other.
"I thought you were so fucking cute."
"You make me soft."
I almost shivered just remembering it. He thought I was cute. And he just admitted it. Just like that. And I didn't know what to make out of it. If he thought so back then, could it be that he still felt it now? I don't think these were things that would just go away. And even if I would have never put myself in the spot of being considered something as endearable as 'cute', he'd say it himself. And by own choice.
Nothing has forced him to say something like that and still he had said it. And Connor didn't peg to me like someone that would play games. So he must have really thought it.
And then we had a beautiful night, having the snacks and some more pleasant talks. We talked for way too many hours, for so many that I lost count at what point we fell asleep, an it wasn't like usual, I wasn't the only one that makes contributions -most of them, for sure, but not all. And at first I thought it might have something to do with the beer, but to be honest, he didn't look altered by it. Maybe he was right and he just felt comfortable.
