Lola Indigo- Imagines

Straight?

Words- 1558

I always enjoy going on holiday with Mimi; and this year was no different. Although, recently I had become, or rather felt weird around her. I just don't understand what is it, am I ill? I haven't felt this feeling before. I just have to push it aside and enjoy this holiday like I usually do. We were going by ourselves this time as our friend became ill, so decided to stay home and rest up. The idea of being alone with her gave me this unfamiliar feeling once again, it confused me. Why was I feeling like this? Eventually, we arrived to our holiday destination and made our way to our hotel room (we always ordered one as it was easier). We placed our stuff down and later sat down on the bed eager to plan what we would be doing the whole week ahead of us. We decided on a couple rest days, just relaxing and allowing ourselves time that we didn't always get. The rest of the days  we wanted to go out, to the beach, restaurants and a boat that we could take to sea which we always did.

We started to get changed into clothes that we felt was appropriate to visit a restaurant in. We quickly changed in the hotel room, not bothering to retreat to the bathroom as we wanted to go as soon as possible and we were comfortable with each other. We made our way there and enjoyed a nice meal before returning back to the hotel room. The whole time there I couldn't help but to admire how good she looked in that lighting. She looked amazing. I was snapped out of my train of thought when she started changing into comfier clothes and I struggled to keep my eyes off her figure. I didn't understand why I struggled, maybe I just want her figure? But I'm happy with mine. Maybe I'm just appreciating her. I quickly glanced up at her, although it was the worst moment possible as she made eye contact with me. I swiftly looked back down again, red creeping up my face. She laughed after seeing my reaction.

(M is Mimi)

M- "No need to be embarrassed love. We are both friends"

I felt saddened after hearing 'friends'. Why? I'm happy that she is my friend, why would I be sad? I shook these thoughts away and got myself ready to sleep. Eventually, the next day arrived and we decided to go on a boat and relax on there. We got changed and made our way to the boat and drove out to sea for some peace. We both were wearing bikinis as it was a hot day, and we were out at sea. I couldn't keep my eyes off of Mimi, I was so drawn in by her figure. She looked amazing in what she was wearing, the bikini left little to the imagination which made me feel slightly flustered. I tried to shake the thoughts from my head but failed to do so, she was just stuck in my mind.

What is wrong with me?

I shouldn't be feeling this type of way, maybe I just have a great adoration for her? No, that doesn't explain why I am getting flustered over what she is wearing. I'm so confused. But I'm supposed to be flustered looking at males. Right? Why isn't that ever happening yet it happens when looking at Mimi? I might just be lonely and am just admiring my dream body. My eyes continue to rake down her figure, until she starts to turn around to make conversation with me, I quickly avert my eyes in a desperate attempt to hide the fact I was watching her, a blush furiously present in my cheeks. Again? Why am I blushing? She's just my friend...but why does that term sadden me?

M- "Love, are you alright? You look really red. Is it the sun? You know you can also come under the shade with me"

"Yeah I'm fine, was just...hot! Very hot day today, must be having an effect on me"

M- "Come under the shade with me then, there is enough room for both of us to relax"

She patted the sport next to her, inviting me to join her. Which I quickly accepted as we are friends and nothing more. Why am I thinking about not being more than friends? I'm getting more and more confused lately, this stuff keeps happening to me. We laid on our backs side by side, enjoying the slight cold winds carried by the sea air. I got lost in my own head once again. All I could think about was her. I wondered about how it would be like to date her, be able to kiss her lips. I have thought to myself before do I like women but I have always dismissed the thoughts. I'm supposed to be straight and like men. Yet, why am I never attracted to any men? They never interest me the way Mimi does, they never appeal to me. I have never thought about have a relationship with any. But I'm straight...I have to be. That's what people would want of me. Plus, I probably don't even like women, or Mimi. I'm probably thinking about it too much and just appreciate the fact we are friends. Again, why does the thought of her only being my friend hurt me?

She seemed to have notice the internal battle fighting within my head as she sat up and turned to me, taking my hand in her own and spoke in a concerned matter.

M- "What is wrong love? I know that looks so don't try saying nothing is wrong when I can clearly tell that something is bothering you."

I also sat up but refused to meet her gaze in case she knew what that I was having conflicting thoughts about her. I knew that she could give me advice for she was public about her attraction for both men and women. But I was scared, I have never tried to think, let alone talk about the fact that I was denying so much. I like females. It is doubtful I like men, I mean, what male have I ever been attracted to?

"I'm just having doubts about myself...I don't know if I'm just lying to myself or if my thoughts are true."

M- "You know you can talk to me love, if it's really bothering you then it's better to speak about it." 

"I know it's just- I've never gave it much thought because it's not what I'm supposed to be, not want society nor what my family would want for me."

M- "It doesn't matter what society or your family would want from you. It is what you want, being true to yourself. Living a life where you can be truly happy."

"I guess you're right. I- I'm just wondering how did you, like, find out you were attracted to...women?"

She smiled softly at me, understanding the struggle I was having in regards to my sexuality. She knows it's never been something I have taken the time to think about. I have always just assumed I am straight. She wasn't surprised by my question seeing as I've never shown an interest in any male she has spoken about or to any male who has tried to make conversation with me.

M- "Is there any particular woman who has made you feel anything?"

I blushed at that question and kept looking anywhere but at her. Which in turn, gave her the answer she needed. She knew. She knew about my conflicting feelings I had for her. She knew the thoughts I kept having about her. She cupped my cheek with her other hand and forced me to look at her. Her gaze was weakening, her eyes examining my every move. 

M- "It's alright to feel attraction. It is a normal occurrence. Could you imagine doing anything or being in a relationship with this woman you are attracted to?"

Her eyes darted from eyes, to my lips and back up to my eyes again. We were subconsciously getting closer to each other, our foreheads were now touching and I could practically feel her heartbeat. I let my eyes fall to her lips, the thoughts of kissing them once again present in my mind. My eyes looked back up and I noticed she was also staring at my lips again. The tension got so much that I decided to close the gap and joined us in a passionate kiss that lasted a few minutes before we pulled away. 

"I do. I can imagine it all with that woman. I just don't know how to tell her I want her without the fear of rejection"

M- "You already have and you weren't rejected."

She smiled again before she leaned in and enclosed us in another kiss. This time she straddled my lap, pulling us closer than before. One of her hands was on my shoulder whilst the other remained on my cheek. One of my hands rested on her waist with the other tangled in her hair. The kiss got deeper and gained a new emotion; lust. The kiss sent butterflies throughout my whole body.

That was all the confirmation that I needed. I knew I wanted and needed Mimi. It was her that I so desperately wanted, not a man, her...