I never thought we could be together [Cockles]

Chapter 12

Jensen was sitting on a bench in the park, looking around for Misha and nervously patting his hands on his thighs. He wasn't sure he had ever been that nervous in his life. The only thing he was hoping for was Misha's understanding. Jensen would need only five minutes to convince Misha to listen to him, to give him a chance to explain what had really happened. He had a lot of things planned for that and if none of it would work, Jensen would rather die right in that evening because all events had made him realize one simple thing - there was no life for him without Misha.

Jensen looked at his watch. It showed 6.58. Misha could be there any minute. He was one of those rare people who were actually punctual nowadays. Jensen couldn't sit anymore, the nervousness was taking over him so he stood up from the bench and just as he was about to turn around and look in another direction, a familiar movement caught his eye.

"Oh. My. God," Jensen muttered under his breath.

One look at the man who was now approaching him made Jensen realized how much he actually missed him, needed him. Misha was astonishing, stunning even; he was wearing a slightly pink shirt and a blue jacket which was secretly Jensen's favorite; the warm rays of the sun were shining right at Misha's face, illuminating each of his features; Misha was smiling but that smile didn't touch his eyes, Jensen could see that even from where he was standing but still, Jensen thought Misha was glad to see him because he agreed to meet him, that already was a progress.

By the time Misha finally made his way to where Jensen was, Jensen regretted his previous desicion about standing up from that bench; his knees were wobbly, he definetely needed something to straighten him up so he put a hand on the nearest tree. He felt like all air was taken out of his lungs by how beautiful the other man was. Jensen should've said something, anything, but he couldn't. He felt like he forgot how to speak or to think. He was amazed.

"H-Hey," Jensen finally made a sound and that was probably the most awkward moment in his life.

Misha laughed, "Didn't know I could make that impression on people."

"It's just getting better and better." Jensen thought. He coughed, not sure of what to say. A few seconds had passed and he made his decision - he was going to be open and honest with Misha, he was going to get his trust back. If this meeting wouldn't end up the way Jensen had imagined, he was at least hoping he could have Misha as a friend. In any way, he should've gained his trust back.

"Hey, get back on the Earth, Jensen, I'm still standing right here."

"Um, right, sorry, I got distracted by how beautiful you are," Jensen said, not taking his eyes off Misha.

A slight blush creeped on Misha's cheek so he had to look on the ground. Jensen smiled at his little victory.

"You hungry?" Jensen asked. He needed Misha to say 'yes' because that was a part of the plan so he added, "It would be easier for us to talk there, its too noisy here." That was true, there were kids everywhere.

Misha squinted his eyes, considering the offer. "Actually yes, I'm hungry."

"Okay," Jensen replied.

No more words were spoken because they both knew where they were heading. It was a place where they used to hang out almost every weekend. It took a 10-minute walk for them to reach the destination. They spent them in silence. Jensen couldn't say that it was a comfortable silence; from time to time he looked at Misha and saw the other man was giving him glances as well. It felt awkward. "Why do I behave myself like a teen on the first date?" Jensen thought with anger. He was angry with himself. He was angry he had let all of it happen. Instead of being in endless awkward situations, Misha and him could've just happily hanged out just as they always had. Jensen wished circumstances were different. He wished that day would be over and he would hold Misha in his arms. That was all he wanted.