His property; Mattheo and Tom Riddle

Chapter 28: Diary

I sit to my bed and take my diary.

"Yn please. Let me explain myself" Mattheo says. I look at him and after back to my diary. "Yn please".

"No and if you excuse me I'm trying to write".

"Is it more important than me?".

"Absolutely".

"Oh yeah?".

"Mattheo c'mon. Let her relax and after you 2 can talk" Tom says.

"I have nothing to say with him. I saw whatever I had to see. Oh. Sorry. Wrong. I saw whatever I wasn't supposed to see because you 2 tried to fool me".

"I didn't".

"Says the one that knew that he was fucking the girl and didn't let me to get in the dorm".

"I swear".

"Don't".

"He didn't know anything" Mattheo says quiet nearly whispering. I look at him and after Tom.

"Whatever. Now let me concentrate" they stop talking and I start writing to my diary.

Dear diary,

I hate my life. Seriously. Being Mattheo's girlfriend is the second relationship that I regretted. Not at all. I love him or at least I did. I loved him a lot but he cheated on me. I don't know what to do. I guess just to give up. I got in so many relationships and all ended awful. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just have a boyfriend that will care for me without cheat on me? I have heart either or ... I had. Not anymore. I won't care anymore about who will say what. I won't give a damn shit about them. They can have fun with me, hurt me psychically and mentally but I won't care. I'll stop feel. It's disgusting. It disgust me. The emotions are our biggest weakness and I'm not weak. I won't give up on them. No matter who is against me, I'm gonna hurt him so bad that he will never come near me again. I give my word.
Whatever. Next subject. School stuff. I hate those. Snape is getting on my nerves. At least I'm still a prefect. It's something. I'm gonna prove all of the professors that I'm worthy. I can do a lot. I'm Yn mf Parker. No one can win me and I won't allow this happen. Not to me. Not to anyone that I care about. Anyway. I'm not so good student the last month but I'm gonna come back with the best grades. I'll be for once again the best student of the classes. I'm gonna pass Tom. He can't being better than me. No one is better than me. No one.
When the professors learned the truth about what happened to me a decade ago were shocked. They didn't probably wait it. They didn't wait, me, to get raped from my own father. I didn't wait it either but here we are. Talking about it. Writing about it. Thinking about it 24/7. It's not right. I have to stop so much about the past. Like my brother was saying "the past is past and we weren't born to look back to our mistakes. Leave the past to stay at the past and live the moment. Don't care about what will happen. Try everything that you want to try no matter if you can or not". That was the best advice that someone could give me at all.
My brother. Ugh. I missed Kai. Kai was the best. He was my advisor, my brother, the father that I never had, my best friend, my everything. I loved him really much and I never had the chance to tell it to him. He was always there for me, searching for me when I got missing, returned my memories back, helped me through everything. We were always together and I love him. I miss his company, his advices, his ... Him at all. I miss my brother.
Next subject? Tom mf Riddle. The boy that I'll always love and care about. My best friend and my ex. I love him. He was the only boyfriend in so many decades that actually cared about me and didn't cheat on me. Actually he did but he ended this relationship without me getting heartbroken again. He cared about me and that's why I'll always love him. He was a good boy even if he doesn't like to hear that. He's the best and the only that understood my pain after my brothers death. He stand next to me like the brother that I lost, like the friend that I never had, like the boyfriend that I never had. He was always there for me. He stand up for me so many times. I'm greatful to have him to my life. I'm the happiest person when I'm with him. I really love him.
Mattheo fucking Riddle. I fucking hate him. He cheated on me with Tom's girlfriend. I understood her a few minutes ago. Those blonde hair and blue eyes. Ugh. Why do all the boys of this fucking school and at all, out of here, everywhere, like the girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. What's the matter if the girl has brown, black or blonde hair? What stereotypes? I hate those. Of course, Mattheo likes those girls and I guess that's why he cheated on me. I was never his type. I was his sex toy but I have to admit that I felt the care and the love from his side. Real or not I loved him. I regretted that but I did. I loved him. I opened up at him. That's my biggest mistake.
I'm not saying anything else again. To anyone. No friends, no professors, no to my family that I haven't but who cares, no to anyone. I'll keep everything inside me. I swear. Every single boy played with my feelings and my heart. It's time for revenge. Ignore, flirt, games. Anything that will make them, especially Mattheo, to being jealous of what he lost. I'm gonna show him the real me. Let's see what he will do about it. Go the corner and cry or run behind me begging? Nothing from these. He's not this type of boy but who cares. He better let me move on without critize me or my choices because I swear I'm gonna murder him even if I cared for him.