Someone Save Me.

Missing Your Love.

wordcount : 1462
TW : self harm, eating disorder (bad thoughts that are restricting ability to easily eat)
CW : fat shaming, mentions of alcohol, hangover, neglect ( starvation ? )

"Hey Karl?" Sapnap calls out from downstairs for the 9th time, Karl was laying on his side on the bathroom floor. New cuts dripping with blood, he relapsed a few weeks ago and hadn't told the boys. They we're too excited that he hit a year a few months prior and he knew they were too proud of him that he wouldn't even bother to tell them. He glanced at the wounds between his thighs and let out a quiet sigh. He applied a heavy layer of vaseline to the cuts before standing up and putting his pants back on. He hears his name called for the 10th time.

He stumbles down stairs quietly and sees Sapnap lying on the couch, obviously hungover. A groan escapes his chapped lips and Karl just sighed, he felt blood dripping down his leg and the urge to breakdown at the sight of his careless boyfriend was so high in this moment.
"Sorry.. I was on the phone,"
"Can you go grab me some stuff from the shops?" he asked with a grunt.
"Yeah I guess, I was thinking we could maybe hang out tonight. I think we both need each other when Quackity's gone,"
"Not today, I'm meeting Punz at the bar in a few hours. I just need you to grab me some painkillers, whatever brand."
"Oh.. Okay then. What time would you be home then?" Sapnap shrugs. Karl's smile turned into a look of disappointment.
"Not too late, sometime before 1, just don't wait up." Karl sighs and nods.
"Kiss?" his blue eyes are screaming how touch starved he is and how much love he has been deprived of in the days Quackity had been gone.

"Mwah!" Sapnap over exaggerates his kiss and pulls the brunette into his lap, holding him close to hid chest protectively.
"He'll be back soon, pretty,"
"Can we hang out tomorrow? I'll call in sick?"
"Yeah alright.. I'm sorry I drank.. I know its bad i'm apologising and doing it again tonight but i'm so sad without it. I miss him a lot and i'm worried sick,"
"Same Sap... it's gonna be okay though. He always come back."
"He always comes back in less than a week!"
"It hasn't.. hasn't been a week Nick. Calm down. I know your upset but you cant take it out on me,"
"Sorry," Sapnap holds his head in pain.
"Head." he groaned and Karl rested a kiss on his forehead.
"I'll go get your stuff now, sound good?"

"Mama! Mama!" Tubbo sat at the end of the bed tiredly calling out for Quackity to wake up.
"Mmh?" he groaned rolling to his back to sit up, he rubbed his eyes and cracked his back while the boy smiled wide.
"Hey Tubs. You okay?"
"I'm hungry,"
"The food is expired. I don't think if its a good idea to eat today, you'll be sick and we can't get you to a doctor"
"But I'm hungry!" he shouted.
"Lets go look then.." he knew there was no god food but he felt horrible.

"See it's all green, you can't eat that Tubbo,"
"Oh,"
"Yeah... Maybe he'll bring us food tonight.."
"Bath?" Quackity smiled big.
"Yeah come on.. I'll go fix you a bath. Can you play with your car?" he nods and picks his car up off the floor and he crawls onto the chair by the table and kneels comfortably rolling the toy car up and down the table.

"Do you need help?"
"No. Want do it myself." he said, clearly in a bad mood, Quackity deep down was too but he couldn't snap on this poor boy who was starving hungry.
"Alright be careful, I'll be outside. That okay?"
"You cant see me naked." Tubbo said sternly which did make Quackity worry.
"Of course not, if you can get in and out of the bath alone and put the hoodie and undies on then not only will you get your privacy but i'll be very proud!" Tubbo giggles as he pushes Quackity towards the door.

"Mama! I did it!" he said with a smile as the door creaked open, Quackity turned around, his eye bags a dark shade of purple and his eyes tired and red.
"Good Job! Let me go empty the tub and i'll wash your hoodie in the sink, do you want to take a nap or you can listen to some music?"
"Tuck me in?"
"he You want to nap?"
"It's boring being awake."
"I'm sorry Tubs.. I'm gonna get us out of here next week.. I promise buddy,"

"Goodnight bud, sweet dreams," he brushed the boy's hair off his forehead and rubbed his thumb over the cold skin.

"Please, I'm so hungry! He is so hungry!"
"He can eat. You can have a little bit later. You have to lose all that weight you've gained. You look like a whale. You fat fuck. You looked so hot when you faint every time you stood up- When you were so tired you never even tried to fight me," he glanced over at the pale young boy in the dirty sheets.
"Can I give him the food now?"
"I'm going, do whatever you want. But remember nobody will love you if your fat,"

The words repeated in the man's mind. Over and over again. The hunger in his stomach turned to guilt. Guilt for the times he let himself go when he felt safe, when Sapnap and Karl didn't even have to encourage him to eat. He missed when he was thin and he could feel his bones, his ribs, his hips. He missed when he was praised for looking beautiful by Schlatt instead of being treated like a pig. His mind falling into Schlatt's hole all over again. His thoughts were fighting whether he needed the praise of someone who abused him. A peoples pleaser. That's what he was.

"Tubs time to get up, he brought you food," Tubbo hummed and tiredly rolled over again trying to sleep, Quackity sat patiently.
"Come on Tubbo.. There's food," he was already exhausted after days of barely eating. He wasn't going to eat. He could do it. He could be skinny again. If he pushed himself far enough. He wanted to be pretty. He wanted to be loved but who could love him when he was fat and ugly.

"I promise you'll like it!" he said with a smile pouring the milk into the sceptical boy's cereal bowl which was full of some overly sugary cereal. Or at least that was what Quackity was saying to himself to convince himself he didn't need it. Tubbo took a mouthful stubbornly but his face turned to pleasure and he looked up at only parental figure he had with wide eyes and a big smile, his smile was contagious .
"See I told you! Finish that," he said. The blood covered bed sheets were bothering them both but in what universe would they dry in one day in a stuffy small room with nowhere to dry and no fresh air.

"Mama?" Tubbo said laying in the older's arms,
"yeah?"
"When we go are you gonna take me back to where Schlatt got me?" Quackity thought for a moment. He was always opposed to kids. Even when Sapnap and Karl wanted a kid so badly, Karl would get baby fever every time he saw a cute toddler and the three of them would be great parents. That wasn't the question but Quackity was too scared he would fuck up some kids life. He would abuse them like hw was abused because he heard to many times the abused becomes the abuser. He looked back at the boy tiredly, he grew a strong connection and only ever wanted to protect him against anything.
"Where do you want to go?"
"With you.." he mumbled.
"Okay.."
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes." he was out of words. He practically just promised a child he would take care of them for the rest of their life.

"With Sapnap and Karl?"
"Yes."
"Will they like me?"
"Of course they'll like you bud,"

"Do you have pets?"
"I have a cat, Tiger. But he lives at my Mum's right now. Because Karl had some problems and we were focusing too much on that that we weren't giving Tiger enough attention,"

"What problems?"
"He was just really sad. All the time. But we couldn't really help him."
"Is he still sad?"
"I don't know buddy, he doesn't like when we talk about it,"
"oh."

"I miss them,"

"Mama?"
"Mmm?"
"Did you eat?"
"Yeah.."
"Why are you so tired then,"
"I don't know, if I sleep will you be good?"
"I'll stay by you," Quackity hummed.
"Night night Mama!"

It was barely even 4 PM.