BAD HABITS || CARL GRIMES

nineteen

LIVING was my favourite feeling before everything began. Not the feeling of carrying out everyday tasks and the routines that we adopted into our lives; but the feeling that you get after you do something or experience something so nerve wracking, something that was so insurmountable, something dangerous, something that made you remember your fragility as a human and make you truly feel alive.

Adrenaline junkie.

That's what I would hear each time I wanted to do something that was maybe a bit too much. Everyone always said it like it was such a bad thing, I don't think it is. I think that it's the reason why I need to go beyond the wall some days. I need to place myself in the danger of death, at any moment a walker could end it for me, and the threat of that is terrifying but exhilarating because I know that when a walker  attacks me I fight for my life and remember that I want to live.

I guess I almost enjoyed being terrified at times, it made me feel human again.

"Guess what" Carl hums as he walks through the front door, pulling me from my thoughts, strolling over to where I sit at the table.

"Jack has confessed his undying love for you?" I question with a smirk.

"Not yet, guess again" he smirks.

"You quit smoking" I jest, referencing a conversation we shared the other day.

"You know the answer to that one" he says as he gently tap his cigarette package that sits in his flannel pocket.

I roll my eyes before finally admitting defeat and asking him to just tell me.

"Glenn was wondering if we could go on another run today" Carl smiles.

I nearly jump up from my seat out of excitement, from just the thought of being away from our safety net and having the chance to fight for our survival, to feel alive.

"You told him yes, right?!" I exclaim.

"Of course I did" Carl admits as he walks over to me.

He stands in front of me and leans forward to wrap his arms around me. The strength of his arms holds me in place and makes me feel safe.
Leaning forward, he presses his lips against my forward, then he loosens his grip and begins to plant little kisses all over my face, causing laughter to erupt from my lips before his lips finally land on top of mine.

The kiss is warm and welcoming, it's safe and familiar, it's love and paradise, it makes me feel alive without threatening my life.

"When are we going" I hum, pulling away gently but still allowing my lips to brush against his as I speak.

"Whenever you're ready" he mumbles before pressing his lips back against mine.

"I'm ready now" I say as I take a breath.

"Right now?" he whines, before kissing me again.

"If we keep doing this we'll never leave" I smile before going to stand up.

Carl presses his lips against me once more before moving aside and letting me get up. I smile as I scoot out from my seat and run upstairs to grab my backpack. It doesn't hold much currently, just some left over snacks from the last run and a bottle of water, hopefully we would fill it upon our return.

When I get back downstairs Carl is standing with his hand on the door handle, ready to go, wearing a grin that thrilled every part of my body.

"Someone's smiley" I hum as I approach him, a grin equally as big on my face.

"Just happy" he replies, "you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I am" I answer, he twists the handle and pushes the door open. "Are we taking that van again?" I ask as I walk out of the house, and drag the door shut behind me.