ShARTpost Book- (REQUESTS OPEN)

First Driving Lesson

This AU has a Syameise where she's legit a narcissist. All about herself and oblivious to the world and trying to learn how to drive. :>

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Updike: "First things first... have you adjusted your mirrors?"

Sy: "All three of them! And I can see myself perfectly!"

Updike: "Nonono- they not for vanity! Your rear view mirrors are for seeing the view to your rear."

(Syameise looks down at her non-existent butt)

Updike: "Not your behind... behind you."

Sy: "But I won't be able to see myself having fun..!"

Updike: "Driving a motor vehicle is not fun. It's serious business!"

Updike: "Now have you buckled your seatbelt?"

Sy: "I was going to. But this outfit just wrinkles so easily so I thought-"

Updike: "Just do it."

Sy: "But my outfit-"

Updike: "ITS THE LAW!"

(She stares at him, a bit scared then decides to buckle her seatbelt)

Updike: "Okay. Are you familiar with the gear shift?"

Sy: "You mean the Prindle?"

Updike, confused af: "...The what-?"

Sy: "The Prindle!"

Updike: "...Are you referring to the shift lever that says P R N D L?"

Sy: "I'm not a child, Updike! I know how to spell Prindle!"

Updike: "It is not something you spell... It is a gear shift. THE LETTERS STAND FOR PARK, REVERSE, NEUTRAL, DRIVE AND LOW!!!"

Sy: "You're making me nervous with all this- technical talk!"

Updike: "OH I'M SORRY! WHY DON'T WE JUST RELAX AND TURN ON THE RADIO?? WOULD YOU LIKE AM OR FM?!?!"

(At least 30 minutes later...)

Sy: "You're making me a nervous wreck!"

Updike: "I'm trying to keep us from having a wreck!"

Sy: "WE'RE NOT EVEN MOVING!!"

(Updike gestures for her to calm down)

Updike: "Okay... Let's start all over, shall we?"

(They both nod in agreement)

Updike: "Is the key in the ignition?"

Sy: "For over an hour now."

Updike: "Well that's because you had to do your makeup... twice."

Sy: "WHA- well excuse me for trying to beautify the highways!"

Updike: "...Start the engine."

(Sy started the engine)

Updike: "And put the car in drive."

(Sy looks at him in confusion)

Updike: "...That's the D on the PRNDL."

(Meanwhile inside the house with Libby and Flippy...)

Libby: "They're probably in more danger there than we are here."

(Flippy gives her a "really?" look)

Updike: "NOT IN REVERSE!!!"

(The two crash into the house while Flippy and Libby rush over)

Flippy: "Holy crap are you guys okay?!"

(Sy and Updike look at each other awkwardly)

Tory: "...I'm not cleaning that up."

Whitty, trembling: What the fuck-?