Attaining The Unreachable (Crossing The Line Series 2) ✅

A.T.U-23

Nakatingala lang ako sa kisame ng kwarto ko habang nakahiga sa aking kama. Wala pa akong tulog simula nung makauwi ako kaninang madaling-araw. Paulit-ulit kong tinatawagan si Carlos pero hindi talaga siya sumasagot.

Nagbihis ako pagkatapos kong maligo. Balak kong puntahan si Carlos sa condo niya at aminin sa kanya ang nangyari. Nakatayo ako sa harap ng aking vanity mirror habang pinagmamasdan ang sarili ko. Narinig ko ang pagtunog ng phone ko, dali-dali ko yung kinuha pero hindi si Carlos ang tumatawag. It's Levi.

"Anong nangyari? Okay ka lang ba?" Levi asked me after I pick up his call.

"Paano mo naman nalaman na di ako okay?" I curiously asked.

Levi sighed. "Trending na yung chukchakan niyo ni Brett. Kumusta kayo ni Carlos?"

I gripped my hair. "What?! Paanong trending-"

I just remembered Rhia. She was holding a camera last night but I don't want to assume. Rhia is my friend and she will never do that.

"Hello? Are you still alive?" Levi worriedly ask.

"Sorry, Levi. I need to end this call now. Pupuntahan ko pa si Carlos." I said and ended the call.

Kaagad akong bumaba sa living room at nakita ko si mom na nagluluto ng almusal. Hindi ko naabutan si dad, he should be at his work now. Kaagad lumapit sa akin si mom at hinalikan ako sa pisngi.

She smiled. "Good morning, anak. Kain tayo, nagluto ako ng paborito mo."

I hugged her. "Thank you, mom. Pupuntahan ko muna si Engr. Carlos."

Her eyes looks surprised after I said that. "Sige, anak. Mag-iingat ka."

It's already 8 am when I reached the condo of Carlos. Wearing a facemask and a black cap, I entered the building of his condo. Mabilis naman akong pinapasok ng guard nang ipakita ko ang visitor's pass ko. Madalas kasi ako dito sa condo ni Carlos kapag wala akong taping. For the past 6 months that we've been together, we didn't get caught even once.

I hurriedly pressed his passcode when I reached his unit. That's our monthsarry, of course I will remember that. Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay tahimik ang loob ng room niya.

"M-mahal? Are you... here?" I tried to call him but he didn't answer.

I immediately called his number and I heard his phone's ringtone in the bedroom. Mabilis kong tinahak ang bedroom niya at nakita ko siyang nagsusuot ng kanyang necktie sa harap ng salamin.

Nilapitan ko siya at hinawakan ang kanyang balikat para iharap siya sa akin. I was tying his red necktie over the collar button of his longsleeve when he broke the silence.

He looked at my eyes coldly. "Bakit ka nandito?"

I removed my shaking hands off him when I finished tying his necktie. I looked at his eyes and trying to read what's behind his gaze, but I can't. The way he looked at me now is not the same Carlos I know.

"M-mahal, I'm sorry..." I whispered. Yun nalang yung nasabi ko. Gusto kong magpaliwanag sa kanya pero alam kong hindi niya na ako balak pakinggan.

He looks disappointed at me. "Paano mo nagawa sa akin 'yon? Mahal, you know I'm trying my best to understand you. Alam kong trabaho lang ang mayroon sa inyo nung Brett na yon pero di ko na alam kung ano yung paniniwalaan ko."

I tried to cup his face with my trembling hands but he avoided it. "M-Mahal, maniwala ka sa akin. Hindi kita magagawang lokohin."

"Mahal, sawa na ako. Sawa na akong nakikita na napapalapit ka sa lalaking 'yon!" sigaw sa'kin ni Carlos. Pakiramdam ko'y matagal niya na iyong kinimkim at ngayon lang siya nagkaroon nang lakas ng loob para sabihin sakin.

"That's my dream, Carlos. Hindi ko kayang iwan iyon." I replied to him. I'm really hoping that he will understand where I'm coming from.

"Ano bang gusto mong patunayan? Na ikaw yung pinakasikat na model sa buong mundo? Fuck! Ezra di mo kailangan ng kasikatan para mabuhay!" he bellowed.

"Carlos, naririnig mo ba yung sinasabi mo? You know how much I worked hard to achieve where I am now." I tried my best to lower down my voice to let him know that I don't want to fight with him.

"I think it's time for you to stop with modelling. Mahal, ano bang kailangan mo? Bahay? pera? pagmamahal? Lahat kaya kong ibigay sa'yo." I can feel that he's now trying to calm when he asked me.

"Mahal, hindi naman iyon ang gusto ko. Masaya ako sa pagmo-modelling kaya ito yung trabaho ko. I will retire someday, pero hindi ngayo-" he cut off my word when he shouted.

"Fuck! Mahal, kailan pa yung 'someday' na iyan? After 2 years again? 10 years? o 50 years? Hanggang kailan pa ako maghihintay? Pumili ka ako o iyang career mo?" he gave me a choice.

Mahal na mahal ko si Carlos pero hindi ko kayang itigil ang pangarap ko. I tried to make him understand pero mukhang naunahan na siya ng selos. Hindi ko alam kung anong pipiliin ko.

I didn't expect na sa kanya pa manggagaling ang tanong na iyon.

I didn't expect na papipiliin niya ako between my passion and my love for him.

"You know what? Let's break up. Baka di talaga tayo para sa isa't-isa." I made up my mind. Mas pinili ko ang pangarap ko kesa sa kanya. Tinutusok ang puso ko nang makita ko ang pag-agos ng luha sa kanyang mga mata. I know he didn't expect that answer. Alam kong umaasa siya na siya yung piliin ko, pero hindi.

"Fine. Let's now stop seeing each other" he said coldly and left.

Iniwan niya akong mag-isa sa condo niya. Napaupo ako sa sahig dahil parang wala na akong lakas. Wala na. Tapos na kami. At kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito.

Umiyak ako ng umiyak sa sobrang lungkot. Sobrang bigat sa dibdib at parang gusto ko nang mawala. The moment he left me, was the moment I lost my dream to be with him in this lifetime.

I lost him. I lost my love, my strength and the reason why I'm still fighting.

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🌈🙃