Misadventures in Paradise ↠ Peter Parker [2]

01 | The End of the World (Again)

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MISADVENTURES IN PARADISE
i. THE END OF THE WORLD (AGAIN)

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   THE DAYS KEPT PASSING, but Riley was stuck in the same place she was in one month ago.

   A blur wasn't a good enough way to describe the last month. Time inched by so slowly that it was paralyzing. When she was a kid, Natasha was the one who told her to suck it up and get back to work, so that was what she did. She forced herself through the motions. She worked, spoke to her colleagues, trained like the war was beginning again. Everybody kept moving forward, and she tried to, as well, but part of her was still stuck on that rooftop.

   That night followed her everywhere she went. In her nightmares, in her daydreams, in videos of the Flag Smashers. She spent so much time retracing her steps, repeating every line of argument in the back of her head again and again. She thought about it so much that if she tried hard enough, she could see herself outside her body, watching as the conversation grew into a bigger fire. She did not know she and Peter could argue like that. She did not know they were capable of feeling so far from each other despite standing right there.

   What does a break mean anyway?

   Taking a break was the stupidest suggestion she could've come up with. There were so many things she could have said. Should have said. How could she hold her own with bullets firing at her compared to standing in front of the person who saw her when no one else could?

   Those cursed words still hung on her lips. I love you.

   Maybe she got tunnel vision at that moment. Maybe she foresaw a cursed future filled with disappointment drawn by her hand, and she thought she was saving Peter from an endless amount of heartbreak (because all of the gods and their followers know Peter Parker would never be the one to call things off first. He would always put everyone else first. Of course, Riley was the same. Maybe they were always destined for failure. Maybe Peter flew too close to the sun. You just can't have it all in this world).

   But this isn't a failure, that cheery voice in her head would chirp, Give it time! All hope isn't lost! There hasn't been anyone on this planet like you and Peter. It's a break, not a break-up!

   But then that other, more hateful voice would scold, He hates you, and you should never bother talking to him again. You're just like Tony. You wanted to protect him so much that you ended up hurting him. You are your father's daughter.

   Usually, being compared to Tony was a compliment. This time, it was not, and it was why she sought the comfort of her mother before anyone else. Pepper held her with a gentle caress the entire time they talked about the night on the rooftop, the night of loose threads. Her voice soothed Riley's inflamed nerves as she clarified all of the things Peter was likely feeling and how they built up over time, speaking from personal experience and that strange empathetic, maternal instinct. Pepper was always so good at that: patience.