Misadventures in Paradise ↠ Peter Parker [2]

02 | Shadows of Yesterday

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MISADVENTURES IN PARADISE
ii. SHADOWS OF YESTERDAY

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   THE MOST IRREFUTABLE TRUTH about Peter Parker was that he was trying his best.

   Every day, he tried. To get through the day, to stand tall. No matter what it was, he always felt like he could try harder, try to find solace in the darkness of his heroes' shadows. Every time he put on that suit, it was his way of announcing to everyone that he was trying: to be enough, to make the world — or at least New York — a better place.

   Trying was all he was capable of, it seemed. Try to wear a brave face, try to ignore Flash's snide remarks, try to juggle school and his hero duties. Try, try, try. And for the past month, he'd been trying to mend his broken heart, and he was failing with flying colors.

   Only Ned knew what happened that night on the rooftop, but Peter sensed MJ knew because she'd been acting differently. Not in a bad way. In fact, she didn't entirely change. She still made jokes about him being a dork and sat with them at lunch, but at the same time, she smiled at him a little bit more. She stuck her neck out for him and Ned a little more fiercely. It was her silent way of comforting him, of saying, I know things are weird, but we'll always be friends. Peter was glad she never said that aloud because he would've shed a tear or two into his styrofoam lunch tray.

   Because things had been hard. Harder than usual. He was so used to having Riley so close to him that he felt cold in her absence.

   He was trying not to miss her. How she laughed at his jokes and stole his nerdy t-shirts, how her body felt with his arms wrapped around her, how she used to play with his hair, how they would watch the world from rooftops and talk about everything and nothing. He was trying not to dream of her. He was trying not to see the ghost of her in all of the prettiest corners of New York.

   The thing was — Peter didn't regret saying how he felt. In a twisted way, he could almost imagine Riley telling him how proud she was that he stood up for himself, even if it drove them apart. No, he was glad he said what had been ruminating all year. All he regretted was not fighting for their relationship a little bit harder.

   But how could he? He was insecure, unsure of himself, and that followed him long after that night, just as it had for most of his life. It didn't help that he saw Tony's face plastered across every building in New York, even his school! All Peter could think about, when he wasn't trying to not miss Riley, was how to fill Tony's shoes. How to be the hero Tony and Riley and all the other Avengers would want him to be. How to be good enough.