From The Heart <3 (Poems And Short Stories)

Compass

"it's my compass in the ocean"

I speak little I know
But you must understand I've spoken to you more than most
Perhaps that'll make you feel a bit more special
I have nothing I can give
I can't swoon you in gifts and velvets
I am powerless and yet there you stand still waiting
For a loner like me?
A girl you proclaim to be beautiful and perfect
All these kind words that I can't possibly let into my heart
Not yet, not now

You know, there was another before you
Yes, he wasn't kind or gentle
He sexually abused me
He had said things opposite of you, words that I still believe
Words of grotesque commands
Things that still truly plague me
Never once he dared to show me care he just tossed me aside untill he wanted me again
In a way I never want to be wanted again

My fear is that with all of this patience
All of this sweetness
Will bring forth a evil intent
Maybe it's all in my head?
Maybe I'm to broken to realize what a good thing this is
But what if this ocean you speak of is a dried well
And I'm the one drowning while you watch from above as some sport
And the compass that lays gripped onto your thumb is slowly losing it's strength

I know what men do to women
I've faced it myself
I've watched my mother face it
I am damned
Maybe I'm just in denial, but what if I'm not?
How can you reassure me?
How could you ever promise me that you are not going to harm me?

<3 life guys... Life is wild lolz <3