LOVING THE PROSTITUTE #1

CHAPTER 65

"I-I killed them, Luca. I-I don't even know how to tell this to Lucas when he grows up. That his mother is a murderer..."

"Shhh. No. He will understand, baby. Don't continue if you can't."

Pinigilan kong manginig at mapahagulhol. "N-No. I want you to know me, Luca. All of me."

"Some things are better be hidden than to open it up, baby."

"I trust you."

Naramdaman kong gumalaw ang panga niya na nakasandal sa ulo ko. He's furious.

"I just realized what I did when cops came up and took me with them. I'm covered with b-blood. B-Blood were all over me. I couldn't look with blood after that incident. I was so scared by the thought of it." I stopped and wiped my tears. I can do this. "You know what's hurts me the most? He's the first man of my life but he was also the first person that broke and betrayed me, Luca. Kaya natatakot akong magtiwaka ulit."

"Please don't tell me that he's the person I was thinking," hirap niyang pakiusap dahil sa namamayaning galit.

"He's my father. I killed him and his friend—I thought he would save me. Dalawa sila, Luca. They started raping me when I eight until I was ten. I'm too young that time and I don't know that that thing wasn't right. Hanggang sa nagsawa ako sa ginagawa nila dahil masakit ang buong katawan ko sa tuwing matatapos silang gamitin ako. That's when I planned to end everything by ending them in my life and to the world. I loathed them, Luca. They caused so much damage in my life. They ruined me.

Dahil doon hindi na naging normal ang lahat sa'kin. I was taken to an orphanage after they investigated me. The case was dismissed because it was a self-defense and I was too young that time. My life in the orphanage gave me hard time, too. The kids there called me a murderer, a monster, and even the nun's that were there. They were judging me of what I did. Even knowing what I've been through."

"Fuck," mahinang usal niya.

"Until Rylee's grandmother saw me in that second hell. She heard a lot about me because of the incident. Yet she still wanted to adopt me even knowing who I am. She tried her best to earn my trust but I never gave it to her. When I killed my own father and his friend, I couldn't talk anymore. That caused me so much trauma up until now. Dahil doon ay nahirapan si Mommy Minda na suyuin ako. But when she asked me if I wanted to be her daughter, I just nodded. Mabait siya sa'kin at sa tingin ko noon ay aalagan niya ako kaya pumayag ako."

She took me here from California. But you know what, I hated my blue eyes. As well as my own language. Everything that reminded me of the past. This fucking blue eyes were from my father. He was Russian and my mother is American. When I was three, me mom got into a car accident. My father blame me because of that. He always does. Sa tuwing nakikita niya ako ay tinutulak at sinasampal niya ako. At alam mo, I grew up thinking that that was normal. Kaya hindi ko siya kinamuhian noon dahil doon. Sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mga asul na mga mata ni Lucas ay hindi ko maiwasang masaktan. Nakuha niya ang mata ng demonyo kong ama."

"I never thought of that. You and him are the most beautiful people in my life with those eyes."

Napatango ako at napapikit. Alam ko. Everyone says that they envy me for these eyes. But I never been grateful having these.

"Noong dinala ako ni Mommy Minda rito, hindi siya tumigil kasusuyo sa'kin. She took care of me and never let me feel I'm adopted. She treated me her own daughter despite the age difference. She wanted me to call him grandma but I want her to be my mom. She was very happy when I had my first word for the second time of my life. We even celebrated for that. But her daughter, Rylee's mom, I'm never been on her favor.