Destined

"We'll See About That"

Amarin demeaned me! Why? A few days ago I saw this man for the very first time in my life. What does he know about me that gives him the right to degrade me or badmouth about me? This is unacceptable. And Consilius? What does this sly sleezy fox have up in his sleeve? What's in it for him? Shouldn't the council be happy, that a Daonnachd is the destined of the most powerful being of Desa? That I should be the one, to have a hand on that power? To be in a position to influence  - perhaps even manipulate - the Lord of Desa? 

I am at a total loss about it. My gut tells me, there is something bigger behind their approach to the Lord, than a purely demeaning of me. No, there was more to it. I had definitely to talk to Gaisgeil. But first I have an unpleasant visit to make. Blaithin asked for me as a healer. Everytime I think of her, my stomach turns to knots and I want to retch everything inside that stomach.

I AM a healer...but also a young woman who is possessive. This side of my character was unknown to me...but I learned about myself a lot these past weeks. I may not love the Lord of Desa, but I claimed him as mine. Although I am not sure, if I even really want him. There is a reason he is my destined. A reason that has to be unraveled. 

My knocking on Blaithins door was answered by a "come in". Hesitantly I enter her luxurious rooms. As soon, as it was known, that she was pregnant by Gaisgeil, she was moved to his quarter of the ginormous castle. Not next to his premises but near them. 

Blaithin was sitting in a comfortable armchair, knitting a black baby onesie. Oh well, black ... what else. Black for boys, red for girls. She desires a son. A son, that would garantee her a steady place in Gaisgeil's life. Perhaps he would consider a marriage? I felt burning anger, observing her satisfied face. My right fist tightened around the handle of my case.

"Hello, Blaithin, how are you?", I greeted as calm and composed as possible, giving nothing away of the  torching fire inside of me, ready to burn something or somebody. 

She stopped knitting, her catlike eyes on me. "Good, very good. Look, what I am making ...", holding the onesie in my face. I smiled kindly, not letting my emotion slip. 

"You wish for a son? And what if it's a girl?" Her eyes turned to slits. "I am SURE it's a boy, I mean Gaisgeil is the father, how should it be a girl?" Now MY eyes turned to slits. "What, you think a girl is not as worthy as a son?", I challenged her. 

Blaithin rolled her eyes one me. "You know exactly, that there is a difference. Men rule this world, not women. A father only values his son. His daughters are only by-catch." She pressed her lips together. "My own father sees no value in me. Only as a  breeder for an important man," she said with a hard voice.

"You should have seen his face, when I told him, that I am pregnant with Gaisgeil's child",  she scoffed. Blaithin's eyes turned glossy. "It was the first time he told me, he loved me."

The fire in me simmered down. In front of me, sat a young women that was never appreciated by her parents, never had the chance to develop into a confident woman. I want to be angry at her...but I can't. 

"Blaithin, do you love my destined?", I asked openly. She looked away from me. "Do you really WANT him?", I dug deeper. Slowly she turned her head in my direction not avoiding eye-contact. 

"Yes, I love him so much...", she swallowed, touching her belly in a loving way. Her trembling voice tugged at my heart strings. Now I was turning my head the other direction, unable to bear her honesty. I opened my case, searching for my stethoscope, trying to distract myself with professionalism. She loves him, I could clearly see her emotions. It hurt to hear those words coming out of her mouth.

"Today Gaisgeil visited me and asked me, how I feel." A blush developed on her cheeks. "He touched my belly and talked to me, asked, if I chose names for our child." 

I closed my eyes. The burning fire returned. "You knew, he had a destined. You knew he was bound. Why did you indulge in a physical relation with him?", I accused in a low voice.

I see her back stiffen. She knew she was at fault. "Yes, it wasn't right. But I wanted him and you ..." she swallowed, "are only a Doannachd. You can't be the destined of a strong  Creachadair. I really think I have a chance." She watched me. "I didn't force myself on him, HE WANTED ME too", stubborness clearly written on her face.  

"I was drunk, Blaithin, and you know that", a cold voice interrupted our talk. Both our heads whipped in the direction of the door.

Gaisgeil watched the scene with crossed arms. "Don't put thoughts in my destined's head, Blaithin. I came to visit, because Callida," he indicated to me",  told me to be nicer to you. The woman you try to intimidate with your pregnancy gave me a lecture about you."

He exhaled, nearing her armchair. "Blaithin, once and for all, I won't form a relationship other than friendship with you. You'll be the mother of my child and I respect you for that. I'll protect you both. But there won't be more, never, get that in you head."

We watched both, as the tears started to roll down Blaithin's cheeks. The girl sobbed, letting her  heartbreak out. I turned away from her. It hurt to see her suffer. But why, why did I feel guilty? 

"But... but, I love you", Blaithin croaked in despair. 

Gaisgeil rubbed his neck, pacing the room. Abruptly he stopped. "Blaithin...I don't love you. Don't waste your energy on a dream, that won't come true. In a few months you'll be a mother, try to focus on that. I will always help you and support you - as a friend and the father of our child."

Slowly he reached his hand out for me to take. With one last look at Blaithin, I took his hand. When we almost reached the door, we heard her shuffling. We both turned to her. 

"We'll see about that..." Proudly she stood her full height, a hand protectively on her protruding stomach.

Gaisgeil's lips left a low growl. I took his hand and dragged him outside.