All the reasons I write...And more

chapter ½ - shortn

Flashback

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone"
I was in complete and utter shock, why?

Why would he do this to me?

"Not my fault anymore rah"

There he goes, with that stupid slang of his, can he take this serious for once, can he just be mature and let us all figure this out, calmly.

"It came and blurted out I'm sorry man"

Sorry
Well sorry isn't going to cut it big shot

I screamed at him to get out. He can't just say sorry after doing what he did, after exposing me and ruining my life.

Though,

It was my fault I shouldn't have told him in the first place. I shouldn't have been vulnerable and let it all out, especially not to him

I watched as he walked out disappointed and his head to the floor his words sending me to tears.

"Wish I could re-live that moment. Totally worth it"

Why me?
His friends had completely brain washed him into being something he isn't, clearly.

His friends are complete and utter disgraces, brainwashing him like that made me think if that was his thoughts all along.

I thought he really loved me, I thought he would keep his mouth shut and not tell a soul. I thought he would've forgotten about it by now.

I can't blame him though it was my mistake when doing so.
But he embarrassed me, made me feel real stupid and small.

I feel like this was a small chapter of my life like it wasn't a mistake, it was meant to happen. Maybe I should've helped him before it was to late, maybe I'm supposed to change him for the better. Or even maybe I'm supposed to leave him alone and let him be this selfish prick he is.

I don't have much friends I trust, or friends anyways but I needed someone to vent to. Someone I know will keep their mouth shut, someone or maybe something.

Notes

Now this app is a full blessing. I could be a top selling author by now if what I wrote was leaked as a survival diary.
Just kidding, it was only the beginning for me to use that useless app, or so what I thought was useless.

It really did help.

It never judged.

It never spoke something I didn't want to hear.

It never told the world.

It most definitely doesn't get brainwashed by friends that were no good.

It's my best friend.

I may sound selfish, heartless and annoying but I don't care because I have been hurt as if I was shot in the heart while jumping off a plane (no parachute) and landing on spikey rocks. The pain could be even worse.

I cant reveal what he told the world, not yet anyways.
I hate him.
I hate his stupid slang.
I hate his hair.
I hate his bandana.
I hate his boxing skills.
I hate his music.
I hate his friends.
But I hate the fact that I don't hate him, I don't hate his slang, hair, bandana, boxing skills, music and his friends.

Because in the end of the day I'm at fault for falling in love with him.
And it's not just the love for a year and then it's just you live with him now. No it was love as in an addiction, a love where not even another person could change how perfect he looked, how his personality is laughs, how his laugh makes me smile.
It was a love, love.

And he ruined that.
Throwed it down the drain.
We could've figured it out but I can't blame him, I never will I'm at fault, it was my mistake.

I know I've repeated those words a thousand times but it's true.

I must live my life though, or else I'll never get over him.

First off  a coffee.

Then the rest will be figured out later, when I've collected myself.