All the reasons I write...And more

diary 2

Dear Diary,
Or notes. I'll never understand what to call you.
Today has been rough my mum left town, she's up there now. I don't know how I'm going to deal with that she did everything for me I'm more then grateful for her.

My brother on the other hand got engaged, we haven't told him the news yet we want to keep him happy, though he was asking us why she didn't come even though she said she would.

It was really confusing today.

My university thinks the three classes I take aren't meant for me and that they want to put me up a level, do something more experienced. I want to do it, but it costs more.
I can not afford that at the moment.

He took everything from me.

He took my house, my younger brother, my last bit of money that I needed.
He took everything I needed, I now have an apartment though, very grateful for that, my younger brother is safe with him but I can't have contact with him I miss him so much.

I only have enough money to live off, to pay the bills, buy food for myself and buy clothes when the others are worn out.

Why would he do this to me.
Why me

He was the reason I started writing in thus stupid useless app.

I hate him for that.
I really do.

Someone at uni, my teacher, said to go see a therapist. I wish I could I really want to but there is no money left for that.

Wait why am I writing as if I'm speaking? Bloody idiot I sound dumb talking to a screen.

But it's the only way I can cope, either that or being a depressed loser that has no friends.
I mean I'm already a loser with no friends, but I'm not depressed.
Not yet anyways.

You know I would usually date things but the thing is, I don't want to look back and say YeAh I WrOtE iN mY DiAry/NoTeS aPp oN tHiS daTe So CoOl.

No way, im trying to just vent, gave someone to talk to, without bothering them or making them feel like I use them. It feels good to have someone who doesn't take sides or judge.

I used to be the classic "popular" girl. I used to have a twitch account many followers. I quit after all that drama happend.

I want to type what happend but I don't feel like re-living it.

It was a horrible experience, I don't think I can ever forget it, or forgive him.

He had no right saying what he did. He had no right saying my secret while on live, he had no right to purposely start an argument on my live to use my secret against me.

But then again,

I should've turned off the live.
I should've never told him.
I am to blame for letting it put to the world.

UGH why am I talking about it, I don't want to even think of that situation ever again.

Anyways my day was rough, good, and shit.
Desperate times call for desperate vodka.

There's this new vodka I saw on a poster, something like XIX Vodka, I don't know if that's what it was but it sounds expensive, and tasty.

Might have to order it online or something I'll figure it out.

But I need to collect myself, I have a job interview tomorrow for a restaurant/Cafe if I get this job I will feel ecstatic from how much I'd earn, and then I can finally gain my self confidence.
If that's what you want to call it.

Speaking of calls, I got a call from a strange person, something along the lines of:

"When India and guernsey combine, no one safe" and then he shut the phone.
How random.
I started laughing though it made my day.

Anyways goodnight diary/Notes.
I'll find a name for you some day, when I'm really depressed and lonely.

Goodnight<3