Wishes

What a day

It's 9am and we are just waiting on Chris to come and get us so we can spend the day with the cast of the avengers and go sight seeing with them.
What is happening to my life that, that is now a sentence I say.
Ashley is so unbelievably excited, it was a nightmare to get to sleep last night because of her excitement. I've done our morning routine, meds, stretches for her arms and legs etc so she is raring to go.
Around 9:30am we have a knock at the door, I open it and there he is looking extremely good.
"Good morning"
"Good morning"
"Shall we?"
"Let's"
We all make our way down to the lobby and then out to the car. The wheel chair will have to go in the boot so I get Ashley ready to pick her up and pop her in the back. Just as I'm about too Chris comes over "let me do that. If you don't mind Ashley"
"No of course I don't mind. Not everyday I can say I've been picked up by captain America"
I roll my eyes and laugh at her.
Chris gently lifts her and places her in the back
"Thank you"
"No problem"
I strap her in and get in the front seat with Chris. He drives for about 30 minutes, we chat, nothing to interesting just bits and bobs.
Once we pull up I see all of the cast waiting for us, when I say all of them it's RDJ, Scarlett, Mark, Jeremy, Chris Hemsworth, Sebastian and Mackie. Everyone else was busy shooting today.
Ashley's eyes lit up when she saw everyone. They came over and helped us out of the car and hugged Ashley and myself.

We were starting off with a tour of the museum, Ashley had mentioned to them yesterday that she loves museums, so we were going on a private tour. I couldn't thank them enough, I offered to pay but RDJ wouldn't let me.
He took off with Ashley in her wheelchair and the tour guide showed us round. It felt weird not pushing Ashley but she was having the time of her life.
I enjoyed looking around too, it was really interesting. Chris came over to me
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah just a little lost without Ashley."
"I bet, she seems to be enjoying the day with RDJ thou"
"Oh definitely she is loving it. I'm just so used to pushing her makes it weird"
He laughs and we carry on walking round. This place was incredible.
"So you a history buff like your sister?"  Chris asked me
"No not really, but I do find things like this pretty interesting"
"Me too. Got to love the history of different places"
We all carried on, the tour guide was amazing, giving us so much information. When we had finished it was lunch time. So we headed to a little restaurant. It was funny when we all walked in the waiter didn't know what to do. She fumbled over her words.
The cast were so sweet to her and she was so embarrassed.
We all ordered and Chris noticed I had only ordered one meal.
"Hey why did you only order one meal?"
"Oh, well Ashley doesn't eat much so I just kind of pick at things on her plate"
"Don't be silly have your own meal"
"Chris really it's fine"
"She never eats a proper meal" Ashley stated
"Ash don't"
"No, you need to eat more"
"She is right you know, what's her favourite food?"
"Pizza, pepperoni"
"Right I'll be right back"
"Chris...."
He was already gone before I could say anything.
All of our food was delivered and it was so nice. I ate half of my pizza and then asked to take the rest with me. I hate wasting food. Ashley did really well with her food.
We headed out and took a nice long walk around the beach, Ashley couldn't get on the sand with her wheelchair so Seb and Mackie carried her all the way to the sea so she could dip her feet into the ocean. She squealed at the coldness of the water, they sat her a bit farther back on a blanket and Chris dragged me to dip my feet in. It felt so nice, before I even knew what was happening Mackie had come up behind me and splashed me with the water, I squealed and chased him down the beach, as I went to splash him back I accidentally got Chris. He ran after me and threw me over his shoulder. Ashley was laughing so much at all of us. It was nice to hear my own laughter. When we all stopped messing around we headed back into town, we walked around a few shops and just had a chilled out afternoon. We then headed into a bowling alley. Ashley really wanted to bowl so RDJ made it happen.
We were set up in our own private area.
The guys helped Ashley with her bowling ball and helped her push it down the lane. She got a strike.
I was sat at the back and watching her, she truly was an amazing kid and I was so unbelievably grateful to make a wish and the cast for making these incredible memories for her.
Chris came over and put an arm around my shoulder "you doing okay?"
"Yeah, just makes me happy when she is happy"
"She really is everything to you isn't she?"
"She is, I don't know what I'm going to do when she is gone"
"Lauren...."
"Don't worry Chris, I've come to terms with the idea of losing my sister. That's why these moments are so important to me now"
"Wow! You really are one of the strongest woman I have ever met"
"Thank you, I have to be strong. She needs me to be strong. If I break, that's it, I won't be able to do this anymore. I've been doing this for 4 years."
"But you also shouldn't hide your feelings"
"I know. Sorry, I'm completely putting a dampener on today"
"No your not"
We walk back over and I can see Ashley wincing slightly "hey bubbles you doing okay?"
"Yeah....fine"
"Ashley tell me the truth"
"I have pain in my legs"
"Ash, you know you have to tell me these things"
"I know but...."
"No buts ash"
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd make me go home"
"Of course we have to go back to the hotel, you need your meds"
"I don't want to go! I'm so sick of being told what to do! I'm so sick of being the girl with cancer! I hate it" Ashley is shouting at this point and I can feel myself tearing up. I swallow my tears and get ready to leave. She shouts Over to me "and I hate you"
That's it I've had enough of this tantrum "well you know what you don't have to like me, I'm trying to keep you alive so why don't you just shut up and do as your told"
I storm off and head for the doors, when I get out there I try slowing my breathing down. I know I shouldn't get mad at her but I do everything for her and she still says she hates me. Like it's my fault she is sick.
Chris comes over to me "hey"
"Hey, sorry about that"
"Don't be silly. Are you okay?"
"I just get so angry when she says that stuff. Like it's not easy on me either"
Before I know it he pulls me into a hug and I can feel myself instantly calm. After a few more minutes we pull away and head back in.
He helps me get Ashley back into the car and drives us home and then helps me get her into the room. I settle her in bed with all her meds and I walk back into the living area.
"She is down"
"Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she apologised so all is ok"
"I'm sorry"
"For what?"
"Keeping her out...."
"Chris please don't apologise, she loved today. I've never seen her smile so much"
"I'm glad we could make this trip special for you guys"
"You really did" I say yawning
"You look so tired"
"Thanks" I huff a laugh
"Sorry, that's not what I meant"
"No I know, I don't sleep well constantly on alert in case she stops breathing in the night or has a fit or both"
"God Lauren, how are you still standing?"
"Coffee, my best friend"
"Well I better head out"
"It's late why don't you just stay here. You can take the bed"
"I'll take the couch"
"No really..."
"Lauren I'll take the couch"
"Okay"
We set up his bed and say goodnight. I settle into my bed and drift off. I'm suddenly woken by gasping. It's Ashley, she is struggling to breathe. I run to her, Chris behind me "what can I do?"