Chapter 14: Personal Death

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Jonan's long black robes fluttering in the wind while he's atop the dazzling pink hippocampus makes me laugh. They're a welcome distraction from the terrible memories from the last time I flew with Baliss. I struggle to push them down, but still, I keep picturing being engulfed in flame and feeling my ear burn off. I feel the crunch of my wrist breaking.

I shake my head to knock out the thoughts. Stop! I command my brain. Abusing myself has become my favorite pastime. Whenever a lull in thinking happens, a voice in my head starts ripping me apart from the inside out. I don't know why I allow it. I feed it and encourage it even though that voice is no more a part of me than Carfron is.

There's nothing to do but observe the scenery and think. I could talk to Jonah through the pareixer, but I don't have much to say.  As per Carfron's orders, we're hurrying. He hasn't told us how long it'll take to get to wherever we're going, if we're even going anywhere. I'm still not convinced I should be listening to him. 

"Agatha, are you awake?" I lift my head from Baliss's neck when Jonah's voice startles me. I must've been out for a while because my head is foggy like I was deep asleep.

"Yeah," I croak. 

"We've been flying for hours. We need to land."

"Okay. I have to go, too."

"No, we must hurry," Carfron says over my shoulder.

"Carfron. I just woke up. I have to pee and I'm hungry. We can land for a second."

"No, we must hurry," he repeats.

"There's a clearing beyond that hill," Jonah says.

"We only have a little farther to go," Carfron insists. This is the first time he's ever given me any indication of how long this trip will be. I tell Jonah what he said.

"We need to land," Jonah says with fear in his voice. "I don't think you realize how far we've flown. If we had stayed together as a group, this would have taken days."  

"We must hurry," Carfron insists.

Something about his last statement resonates within me. I feel it. Well, not feel so much as know. I know from somewhere deep in my soul that it's essential I hurry because something big is waiting for me. I'm not scared. I'm anxious with anticipation. I push Baliss faster.

"Agatha, where are you going?" Jonah asks.

"I know where to go. Sort of, but I know how to get there. We have to hurry."

"We must land. I made a mistake. We shouldn't have come without the others. Let's discuss this. Maybe we should wait for the others to catch up."

"There's nothing bad at the end of this. It's okay. We must hurry," I say in return.

We fly for much longer than I expected. Jonah periodically asks me to land, but I feel like whatever is waiting for me is just ahead. However, I'm beginning not to trust that feeling with every hill that passes. Soon we're going to have to land because our mounts are tired, and my bladder is going to explode.

"There," Carfron says, pointing to a heavily wooded area.

I explain to him that we can't land in the trees. He points to a small opening where a large tree fell. Baliss can land there, but I'm not sure if Gretchen can. Jonah goes first, and I follow. Neither of us has any issues with the small landing sight, except that both our mounts take off in search of food as soon as our feet hit the ground.

"Follow me," Carfron says.

I fall in step behind him, and Jonah grabs my arm. "Do you know where you are?"

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