Genshin headcanons and oneshots

Not until I see his grin (scaramouche angst)

Tw: major character death, suicidal thoughts, Funerals mentions, death in general ig? It's angst so yeah that

gn reader

It's kind of short but I'm pretty proud of it

    The doleful rainy sky filled me with immense dread as I stared at the ashen clouds overhead. My mind was in thirty different places, and I was filled with an indescribable agony. My heart ached to feel his touch again, just to see his eyes gazing back into mine and his small smile that only I got to witness. I yearned to him to such an extent that I was considering my own demise just to be able to be greeted by him in the morning and feeling his arms wrapped around my waist as we lie in bed.

    That was a very long morning. I didn't want to let myself get up. The only motivation I had was that maybe I'd get to see him again. Even if it's in a casket it's still something. 

    As it was a funeral, I wanted to pick out something suitable for the somber occasion, in fear of being judged and also just dory of wanting to honor him. I picked out a nice suit and marched over to the bathroom to get completely ready. it was hard to keep myself from breaking down into tears as I was applying makeup, but I somehow managed to keep my mascara intact and on my lashes. 

    I creaked the door to the outside world open and creeped out in fear of people silently scoffing at me. I'm no stranger to it after all. As a part of the fatui, it's not a surprise that everyone hates me. I don't blame them either. My job is killing people, why would they want to like me, why would they want to associate themselves with me or even be able to tolerate my presence.

    I wandered down the sidewalk, trying to pass time while waiting for the lugubrious event to take place. My back was slouched, and my gaze was fixated on the ground. I didn't want anyone to see my face. I wanted, no I needed to see his face again, and I would do that even if it would kill me. That's what I truly want though. There's really no point without him. Nothing matters anymore. All that ever mattered was him. Since we were kids my world seemed to revolve around him, but now he's dead. I'm never getting him back, unless I can work up the courage to join him. 

    I really wanted to push the horrid thoughts away, but I couldn't. I partially welcomed them. I knew it was all true. There is no point anymore, and I know that. I'll never smile again, not until I see his grin.