Unbreak my Heart (BMAW)

Chapter 10

I am a bad person. Well, not really but the air definitely said so. These people don't hide how they feel among themselves and that's probably why the cold glares were so obvious. I wished the earth would open up and swallow me. I'd choose that over my present situation: the after wedding party. When Sammy said his friends are his family, I thought they were just words to describe people in the same class with you. When he mentioned an after party so that Cora and I will meet the gang, I expected stuck up people coming together to show off their wealth. I didn't expect such a warm setting; I didn't expect loud kids or bros that actually care about each other. Sammy sat with his friends with Cora in his lap while I sat at the table by the window and nursed a glass of wine.

I felt the unfamiliar weight on my finger and I looked at it. The more I stared, the more alone I felt in a room filled with people. The one called Keith, a white male with an air of self importance around him was the worst. He didn't hide his disdain for me, although his image looked softer because his child was asleep in his arms. The one called Leo was more guarded than anything. Because we already met during his wedding preparations, he seemed to be on the fence on how to treat me and was trying to figure me out. I imagine the question should I or should I not floating through his head as they sat and talked.

Then there's Danica, Keith's wife. She seemed okay but was busy with her kids: twin boys who seemed to be little daredevils and a daughter who followed them around. Danica was trying to get them to eat before anything else but they would rather run around than sit in a place, which made me uncomfortable because Sammy's living room was definitely not child proof. They were chaotic but cute at the same time. When their plates were finally empty, she let them go and sat down with a sigh, looking exhausted. She smiled at me as she picked up her previously abandoned plate and I returned it, albeit awkwardly. I didn't know what to say, so I kept mute.

"Welcome to the gang." She said finally and that got my attention. I looked at her and it looked like it took so much effort for her to initiate the conversation.

"The gang?" I asked, feeling my forehead wrinkle as I frowned in confusion. "What gang?"

"Oh this gang. I call them the three musketeers. They are like brothers and they do everything together. So by extension, us wives are part of the gang."

"Ohh... that's nice. I don't think I'm part of the gang but thank you." I heard myself say and wished I could slap myself for saying those words. She didn't need to hear that. When she asked me why I thought so, I quickly picked up my glass, drained it and then took a small bite of my chicken. "Circumstances." I replied, hoping she would let it go and also wondering how long Sammy planned on keeping up with whatever it is we were doing.

I don't have friends, not really. I came off as someone with so much friends in high school because I was popular but I didn't actually have friends, mostly acquaintances. Then when Sammy came into my life, we had mutual friends. I got married and partially became part of my husband's and parents' circle. After my divorce, I met Angie and it has been her for me since then.

With every relationship came mutual friends and with each fallout, those friends were lost. I wasn't going to delude myself into thinking that this is permanent and I was actually part of the gang when it was obvious they didn't like me. I wasn't willing to smile with their wives only to become the object of sneers or a topic of conversation for them when I turned my back.  Even if they didn't treat me that way, with the impending divorce that would follow when this blows over, they'd be gone with the wind too because their loyalty lies with him and not me.

"I won't act like I know what's going on or what led to this. But I don't think you're a bad person. I don't think you would have raised such a great daughter if you were a terrible person. Even if you're not cool, that's fine. None of us are. This isn't the cool club. So I'm going to introduce myself and then I hope we can kick it off from here. Hi. I'm Danica, you?" She said and it took my brain a while to process her words as I said the words "Thank you. I'm Ji Ho."