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Satouri.
"So you pregnant"? i asked my little sister
She thinks it's okay to come home from college pregnant and shit
"Yea but ian keeping it" she said making me shake my head
She had me buy her a test because she was scared somebody was gone see her
"Ian even surprised. You need some money Saturn"? i asked
"No i got it thank you tho" she said
"When you gone come see Nyairi ? she be asking bout you" i said
"Imma be over there after i handle this situation" she said
"Okay. Be safe i love you"
"Kk love you too" she said hanging up
I put some music on and started cleaning up around me and Toot room
Ngl today is one of them off days. Everything don't feel right
Me and Kiari for the most part been fine but idk but i think he's hiding something idk what it is though
I focus on helping other people so much sometimes i never focus on myself and i honestly think that's my problem
I don't mind helping people tho, i love it but ion do enough for myself
I'm like everyone's momma, i guess i'm like that because i never really had my momma in my life
She wasn't dead or anything she just wasn't a momma to me, only my sister and my brother
I don't know why she didn't like me honestly. I was the middle child for one
She just treated me differently than the rest of them and it fucked up me up in the long run
I used to be wild asl when i was a teenager all the way up to probably my early 20s because that's when me and Toot was really settling down
Me and Toot used to be off and on a lot but in between them many breaks i could never be without a nigga and that was my problem
I needed to feel loved or at least wanted someway so i tried to find it in different people
I done been cheated on, been the person being cheating with, the side chick all that
Am i embarrassed about it ? no not really
But it's not a good look, that's one of the reasons i try to help Nyairi a lot
Plus i was so naive back then i used to believe anything a nigga would tell me , that's where i fucked up at a lot
I had to be exposed at least 3 times
The first time i cried, second i was pissed, third time it wasn't nothing new and ian give a fuck
I was just wild and all over the place and i don't want that for Nyairi at all that's why i'm trying to guide her the best i can
Saturn and Semaj are the golden kids and i was just the child she couldn't keep in line
Semaj the oldest and he doing what ever it is he do i don't know and i could care less
He ain't like the way i acted and we used to argue a lot about me being a so called ho etc
I didn't have my dad in my life and i didn't have my brother and my look on men was all fucked up but i had Toot
He was my light in all the darkness and he still is .. we just been going through things
