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Have you ever felt uncomfortable in your own home that you supposed too feel somewhat comfortable in? It happens in a lot of household no matter what race you are.
" What the hell you mean!??" Echoed through the thin walls of the little apartment her mother living in, sigh as Ki'nia turned up the TV blocking out the sound of her parents fighting again.
it has gotten so bad too the point where The name calling, verbal abuse, ect has gotten normal too her were she doesn't have no emotions twords what's going on around her...
Just flat out numb and unavailable too everything.
" You don't need too be around this" as she picked up her brother, kamari taking him into a different room from the argument.
You would think they would stop arguing especially Infront of their kids but that didn't stop anything, it's like we don't exist anymore when they're fighting.
" I wish things were different.. I miss Papa" she sigh locking her door as she referred to her father's grandfather, he wouldn't be proud of what's going on..Who would?
" I'll be back" she grabbed her coat and boots walking twords the door " You NEVER loved me!" Her father scream back at jania, As she looks down the hallway seeing them still going at it.
_________
How do I feel? I'm great she told her therapist " are you really?" He flipped through his paper work side eyeing her.
I mean, I'm not okay but I'm getting by as she felt her eyes getting watery bitting her inner cheek.
Question? Have you ever felt unwanted by you parents she broke the silence " what do you mean by that?" He sat up giving her his attention.
Nevermind I'm just talking as she felt regret telling him what's going on at home.
" no it must be something because it very shocking you came by today with no intentions" I just need someone to talk I feel so alone in this.
" You're not alone everyone needs someone to talk to from time to time, Life didn't come with no instructions it's okay too ask for help"
" So.. tell me how does Nia feel" he question.
That question hit her like a ton of bricks, uh how does I feel?
I feel.. unwanted, unlove, I don't know who I am anymore, I don't my purpose in life anymore .
I try too so hard too make my parents happy but-
" no, this is not about them let's block them out the spotlight is on you how does YOU feel" as I felt a pool a tears running down my face.
nobody never ask me how does I feel in any situation, I felt a lake of rage and anger boiling up inside me that needs too be released so many bottle up emotions that I have let too let go.
I don't know how too feel mrs. James because nobody never ask me how do I really feel about anything, I always been the black sheep of my family .
I always been the outcast of the family too the point where people forget I'm in the same house as them when they come over.
And that's my fault, if I wasn't so closed off maybe people will love and accept me more.
As they continue their section he gave Ki'nia a note, " tell your parents too stop by my office tomorrow afternoon I need too speak to your parents"
Yes sir as she left stuffing the paper in her coat pocket closing the door back. _______
• 8:57 pm •
" mom!" She Yelled out unlocking the door "mom..."
She creep around the hallway she felt her heart dropping thinking something bad happened opening the door.
Thank God she wiper seeing her sleep This enough peace this house had in weeks .
" Hey, where were you?" Kentrell ask coming out the other room. Um I just went to go see someone that's all I said taking my coat off hanging it up.
" hungry? I was gonna order some Chinese food around the block" Mom let you stay here? I ask as is was a bit odd he was still here after the fighting.
" I'm selling the house" why?! What's going on dad what is going on? As he didn't answer me .
" Lo mein or fry rice?" Dad stop avoiding the question please tell me I still have my things there, all my friends live there!
Ughhhh I hate y'all! I stormed off slamming the door back " don't be slamming shit!" Nobody cares about me I cried into my pillow kicking my shoes off crying until I drifted off to sleep.
_________
*Ding ding* ugh she growled rubbing her head checking her phone " come eat" her mom texted. she came downstairs That's weird seeing they hated each other but at the table together like nothing happened.
We sat there in pure silence as I pick at my orange chicken
" Why is dad selling the house" I broke the silence questioning them sitting back in my chair looking at them.
"Ouch!"
" Why did you tell her that!"
" Why did you kick me?!"
" Bringing her into our business? Really kentrell"
" I didn't mean too it just slipped!!"
I grabbed my plate Taking it back upstairs finishing it there I don't want to hear the screaming tonight I already had a headache because of them.
Is it my fault they're fighting like this I question myself, maybe I don't belong here anymore because it seems like everything I touch turns into dust.
As I reach under my bed grabbing this escape box I made
" get the fuck out!" She heard screaming from downstairs
she grabbed one of the pills and a notebook crushing the pill up and snorting it up her nose.
She felt her high coming when she did this it helps her escape from her problem, if she didn't do this she'll be living in her head most of the time that's another thing she do too escape from the madness.
She felt relaxed, comfort, and at peace as the pill kick in more...
