The Darkness Is Swallowing Me

What is on my Mind

My mother asked me why I don't have as much faith anymore.
In my mind I replied with: because God abandoned me.
But no words left my mouth.

My father asked me if i'm just numb to my symptoms after being sick so long.
In my mind I replied with: yes, but it's so much more than that.
But I only agreed with a simple word.

My mother asked me why I don't try anymore.
In my mind I replied with: there is no need to try, I don't see any reason to.
But I only said that I will try a bit more.

I asked myself why I never speak what is on my mind.
But the only answer I could think of was: if I did, they would hate me. If I did, they would feel guilty for noticing how much I hide inside. If I did, it would ruin my life.
So I only speak what answer will keep me safe.