Patiently Waiting For Jared Holmes | on-going

XV

Chapter 15.

Katie and I decided to go for coffee after school whilst she waited for Nick to finish practice. It was date night Tuesday, something they'd agreed to do around six months ago when they started having a few problems. It was a way for them to make time for each other. Katie says that it's getting old but i think it's sweet.

We do this every Tuesday. We grab coffee or food or go shopping until five o'clock and Katie has to get home to change. Tonight they're going to the carnival, last week they went bowling.

Little did Katie know that tonight I had plans of my own with her brother.

The guilt had eaten away at me all day, I'd barely been able to look her in the eye whenever I spoke.  She knew something was wrong and had called me up on it throughout the day and the words were on the tip of my tongue, thinking that if I just explained it to her then she wouldn't be mad but then I realised that I couldn't explain anything. Because I didn't even have an explanation myself.

It wasn't like there were feelings involved, it just seemed that we both had this weird attraction for one another and clearly it won't go away. And i was tired of fighting it.

I don't even know how I got here. Just this weekend I was terrified that he'd even kissed me and never wanted to see his face again, but now I'm agreeing to go places and kissing him whenever he feels like it. It's like all rational sense escapes me when he's around.

Jared and I have always had an emotional relationship, it was hard not to when we were at each other's throats growing up. Maybe over the years that tension just dissipated into something else?

The more I think about it, the more my brain convinces me that it's stupid to ignore it.

By no means am I saying that I want a relationship with Jared, far from it, but right now whats the harm in experimenting? I've always followed the rules my parents have set and it's gotten me no where but miserable.

My stomach flutters when I think of how it felt kissing him this morning but then it ultimately drops when I remember how publicly he did it. Just because I no longer want to act like the good little christian girl everyone calls me, doesn't mean that I want everyone to know that I've been kissing my best friend's brother.

Okay a huge part of me is still very fucking afraid.

Everything is so confusing.

I'm also kidding myself into thinking that Jared would even want to carry on with whatever's starting between us. For all I know he could be taking me wherever tonight to tell me to leave him the hell alone.

Oh god.

But then on the other hand, I don't know if I can jeopardise my friendship over something thats just a bit of fun. Actually scrap that, I know I can't. Katie is like a sister to me. I couldn't betray her like that.

Things would be so much easier if Jared and I just ended things where they are.

A cup thumps down on the table in front of me, catching my attention away from my thoughts. I look up to see Katie giving me one of her concerned stares as she slips into the seat in front of me. I sigh and look down at my hands that have curled around the sides of the cup.