Patiently Waiting For Jared Holmes | on-going

XXI

21.
TW - miscarriage / abortion.

Loss.

It's a part of life. Everybody experiences some type of loss in one way or another. Whether it's losing a loved one or a possession, you lost a bet or your favourite football team lost a game. Nobody likes losing, it's not a good feeling.

I can't speak for everybody but I can't say I've met one person who loved to lose something.

When Katie and I were kids, we were obsessed with the idea of having a pet. My family could never afford to feed us before my father became mayor, let alone an animal and Katie's parents didn't think that she was responsible enough for one. Understandable considering her goldfish survived a week.

But Katie begged and begged for a bunny. She did extra chores to try and earn money to buy one and even washed her neighbours car. Eventually her parents realised just how dedicated she was to getting a bunny that they surprised her with one when we were 9. Jared had been furious, he'd been holding out for a pet of his own and thought that bunny's were too girly.

Katie and I spent every single day of our summer vacation with Buggs. The tiny ball of fluff was the highlight of our day. Katie was so careful to not prove her parents right and didn't want to make them regret their decision.

But one night whilst Katie was sleeping, Buggs got out of his hutch. Nobody knows how, maybe the latch was loose or somebody had forgotten to lock it behind themselves. When Katie woke up the next morning, Buggs had been eaten by foxes.

She didn't leave her room for a week. God, she was devastated. Even now she doesn't trust herself around animals anymore, convinced that somehow it was all her fault.

When Katie and I were 11 years old her Grandmother passed away. Her mom's mom. Grammy Linda was probably the most dramatic yet affectionate woman I had ever known.

Her death really hit Katie hard. Out of both of her Grandma's, Grammy Linda was closest to Katie. So when she died, she was a complete mess. It's harder for kids to understand death than it is for adults.

Death is so final. There's no coming back from that. There's no changing it. Once the universe has decided that person is going to die next, there's nothing that you can do to stop it.

Katie doesn't deal with loss very well. After her Grandma died she didn't eat for two weeks straight. It wasn't until she became so ill that her parents had to take her to the hospital and she was fed through a tube. When she was allowed to come home she sat in her room for days. Ellie tried to get me to come over when Grammy Linda first passed away but my father had locked me in my room because I hadn't been doing so well in school.

I had been so upset with him when I was finally allowed to see Katie, completely oblivious to what had been happening. My brain couldn't process what had happened. And when I had seen Katie, the look on her face had broken me. I never wanted to see that look on her face again. And I never had.

Not until new year's eve, anyway.

Jared had asked if I would come over today, not to see him, but to see Katie. I had been scared to come and see her, afraid that after the other night she would kick me out or tell me that she didn't want to see me for a while, but when Jared had told me that she hadn't eaten in days, I couldn't stay away.