It Destroys You

Chapter 16

"Wish I could go back in time; not to change sh*t, just to feel a couple things twice."

16. Undecided

My mother always told me that a decision is purely based upon three things: your feelings, how you perceive another's feelings and the situation itself. It wasn't until I moved to South London, in the heart of the ghetto and in the house of a drug dealer, that I finally understood her words of wisdom and to their fullest extent.

I am Eva and I do not agree with this way of life. He is Delante and this is his life. From a young age, he was raised believing that this was the only future that would ever await him. He was born and raised to become exactly like his father. Whilst I was receiving lessons on how to play the piano, he was receiving lessons on how to kill a predator. And the situation? I just want to go home to my family, my normal family ... but I know that it is almost impossible. I made a promise and how I wish I could go back in time to alter that promise. Or to never agree. Or to maybe never enter this Earth. I am no longer Eva, a single female who makes decisions for only herself. But I am Eva, Delante's future wife and I must only make decisions that benefit the both of us and my family.

"Eva?"

I emotionlessly turned to my to-be husband and blinked, face drained of feeling. He was so beautiful, from his light eyes to his plump lips, and I was so quickly falling for him. Why do you have to be the son of drug lord? Why can't you be normal?

"Eva, talk to me," he pleaded, voice dripping with worry. I searched his eyes for something, I'm not sure what but I was slowly getting lost in them. Why can't we run away from this? I was startled when I was lightly shaken by my arms and was immediately bought back to reality.

"What do you want me to say?" I pursed my lips, unable to gather the words within my mind that could possibly explain what I felt. I was so terribly unsure of how I should feel and so unbelievably confused. Tonight's events were so unlike. Everything seemed to be so foreign. It's like I was working to fit into a lifestyle that did not welcome me at all.

"Just let me know what's on your mind, babe," Delante replied, slightly holding me. I was glad that he was because without him right now, I was so sure that I would have fallen to pieces. His voice dripped with worry and his face was creased with lines of concern, yet still, I couldn't help but think of how I could have ever been blessed with someone so great and how beautiful his perfectly sculpted face was.

At some point, I would have to fully accept this lifestyle. I thought I did but now, I was not so sure. I thought that I would be ready for what were to come my way next. I was so caught up with falling for this beautiful human before me that I forgot that what position I was truly in: the wife of a drug lord; a title which was so unbelievably wrong. I had tried so desperately to keep myself together, so hard to forget about the life that I was born into but I was more than unsure about how much more I could take.

But I had to do this.

I lowered my eyes in defeat, softly sighing. "I'm falling for you, D. I want this to work so badly but it just feels like this life wasn't made for me," my eyes slightly watered, unshed tears were blocking my throat. I raised my head slightly, allowing my lips to land softly on his. "Please don't make me regret this."

My heart pounded heavily in my chest, my stomach full of newborn butterflies, fresh out of their cocoons. I was falling so deeply for this boy.

(Delante's POV):

Maybe I was too blessed in this short life that I was sure to live. Maybe it was just pure luck but never would I have thought that God would allow me to possess something so unique and special. Eva was different and anyone who even glanced at her would understand. It wasn't only in her appearance but in the way she carried herself. She did not allow anyone to get in her way and was head strong. Sometimes, I'd think that even at her weakest, she could conquer the world. She possessed traits so raw that I wondered what goddess could have dawned these specialties on her.

I would never be able to thank my mum enough for finding Eva for me. She was perfect in every way possible. She was a dime in a dozen and I was going to keep her, no matter the circumstances.

*****

"Speak."

Gruffly answering my phone with a heavy mind, I rubbed my temples, searching for peace. If I could choose any occupation in the world, this one would the last on my list. The son of a drug lord and heir to the throne was the most exhausting position, it was long and I, for a fact, didn't like long. As another one of my father's many business partner's cackled loudly on the other line, I couldn't help but wish that I was anywhere else but here.

With her.

Eva was my better half, to say the least. She kept me grounded, constantly holding me down and allowing me to remember that I was human. Before her, feelings weren't normal to me. I constantly struggled to identify my own and pushed all emotions away even when they rose to the surface, even slightly.

It was my never and would never be my intention to hurt her in any way possible. I would give my spine to protect her because she was a blessing in disguise, a gift from the man upstairs and I would always be grateful for her but ... but I could see what this life was doing to her. I could see that although I tried to keep her away from every thing that my family was responsible for, life had a way of throwing it all back into my face.

She was a strong girl but sometimes I wondered how much she could really take. The threads of her innocence, angelic persona and pure heart were slowly unraveling and I was unsure if I could accept the aftermath ... of what was left of her.

"You all right, D?" Kai questioned, concern laced in his words. Rubbing my hand across my face, I sighed.

"I'm good, fam. Just think I need a break from this, init. It's been a minute since I've been out of London." Which was completely true. I couldn't leave the confinements of my city without a truck load, if not two, of the most elite security in London. I was constantly target and now, Eva was also ... but I was a selfish person and although releasing Eva back to her family was best, I knew that I couldn't do it.

"That sounds good, still. We should think about going somewhere, you know. Take Eva as well," Kai ended, a slight grin on his face. My main man had become real close with Eva and I can't lie, I was actually real happy knowing that.

I nodded my head, already deep in thought about a nice vacation somewhere but because of last weekend's club shooting, I knew that it would only be a dream for some time. We had work to do.

Stepping into one of the many trap houses based around London, home to my most important form of income, I breathed in the similar smell of narcotics that drifted through the air. This was where I was most comfortable.

From a young age, I was introduced to this world. At eleven years of age, barely an adolescent, I still, to this day, remember my day leading me through one of his trap houses. Shoving my arms through a white lab coat, he lead me through the house, feeding me knowledge about the mechanisms of the production line. It was nothing like I'd ever seen before but the stench of the various illegal substances within the house never failed to leave my memory. I was intrigued to say the least.

"Yo, Trell," I spudded the man in charge of the 84 and acknowledged a few of his most elite and talented men around him.

"You all right, boss?" he grinned widely, showcasing his mouth full of gold teeth. Although I was accustomed to seeing his teeth, I couldn't help but cringe.

"We good out here?" I quickly changed the subject, not wanting to dwell on his teeth for much longer.

"Yeah, we bright, boss. We'll be out by the next shipment." I nodded, slightly scanning my surroundings, ensuring that all team members were doing what they were getting paid for.

"How's Alana?" I questioned, truly interested in how his baby mother was doing. What I disliked about this life was that the thought of money constantly overshadowed the importance of family. Each time I was met with my men, I had to always remind them of what was most important.

"She's good, man. Finally settling in with Paige at our new yard."

"Ah, that's good, still. Make sure you man wrap this up quick tonight so you can all get home to your families on time and Trell, my man, make sure you take some time off for Alana and Paige."

Leaving the trap house, I couldn't help but feel exhausted and somewhat happy to know that waiting at home for me, was my wife-to-be.