It Destroys You

Chapter 7

^ Your comments never fail to me laugh. Cool-Aid? Oh my days! Lol!

"Don't let it break you. No matter how hard things get, life goes on."

7. Remember

I breathed in the smell of my strawberry scented conditioner and sighed. Last night's events had really taken a toll on me and now I felt completely exhausted, not to mention my aching feet. I twisted in my bed and cuddled my pillow close to me, thinking about everything that had happened the night before.

I still remembered the sound of his deep, smoothe laugh in my ear or when he gave me his now infamous crooked grin, showcasing his deep dimples that I'd instantly grown to love. Or when he smiled under the glowing moonlight and resembled an angel, sent from heaven above. When I realised how much I sounded like a love sick teen, I forced myself to take a step back and think for a bit. 

Was I ready for the baggage that this all had to bring? Was I ready to take it all on? But then I thought again, what's life without risks? 

Last night, after Delante and I had danced together, I believed that we were going to the booth in the back corner of the venue but a left turn to the exit of the rave made by Delante confused the hell out of me. I wondered where he was going yet continued to follow him, anxious about where he was taking me. We walked away from the rave itself (car park included) and then we walked and walked and walked until we reached a tiny park with an open field, a swing set and a slide in the middle of nowhere. I remembered feeling the little girl in me as I smiled and ran towards the swing set in my heels which is probably why I was feeling the pain in my feet this very moment. 

The roads and the park itself were completely empty and the only sounds heard were from Delante and I. For some really odd reason, I wasn't afraid. I swung on the swing and leaned back with my feet in the air, just like I did when I was seven years old, only this time, my daddy wasn't there to push me as high as I wanted to go. I remember closing my eyes to soak in the feeling. I felt amazing! 

I opened my eyes and smiled at Delante as he stood at the fringe of the open field watching me with a small smile of his own. I slowed down and walked towards him and then just like .. we found ourselves sitting on the only bench in sight talking about everything and anything. 

From our experiences as children to our relationships with our parents. Then from his first kiss to my first crush. I found myself admitting things to him that I hadn't told anyone in my life but I felt like I could trust him. 

"When I was little," I started. "I remember staying up late every Saturday night just to listen to the sounds of my parents; my mother's laughter and my father's chuckle. It was kind of like a tradition because my parent's met on a late Saturday night at my mum's work party. They'd listen to 'I Wanna Be Your Man' by Chaka Demus and Pliers and would make sure it was on repeat while they danced the night away. To this day, I still remember every single lyrics in the song," I smiled as I remembered my mother's beautiful care-free laugh. "But then as time wore on, the laughter was replaced with screaming, cursing and accusing. I remember hearing the sounds of our plates being thrown against the walls while my younger brother and sister came running in my room, searching for comfort. I was only thirteen at the time and absolutely clueless as to what was going on. I was so afraid."

"And then one Saturday night, it stopped all together. No anger, no screams. I woke up to find all of my father's belongings missing, along with he himself. That was the last time I ever saw him and then a few months later, we lost our house and mum lost her job. A few days after that, she found out that she was pregnant."

"It hurt you bad, didn't it?" was his response. 

Delante had been understanding. I didn't shed tears because it was in the past. I couldn't do anything about it so wasting my tears wouldn't have done any justice. Delante comforted me as the moonlight shone on us which was our only source of light. The street lights had turned off a few hours ago but we didn't notice.