Uncontrolled

6

(new chapter)

"Goodness, Y/N... what are you doing to yourself?" Sung-kyung murmurs as I open the door of my apartment, her eyes filling with sadness as soon as she sees me standing in front of her with red eyes and a pale complexion.

She steps inside and shuts the door behind her before leading me to the couch, her touch so soothing to me right now, her magic comforting, hers and Bo-young's the only ones I'm allowed to feel due to our closeness that don't hurt me.

"I really don't like seeing you like that, bubs, you really need to start thinking about removing your collar when at home, resisting against it is slowly killing you, have you even seen yourself? You weren't like that this morning, what happened?" she asks me, her tone scolding, yet her hands treat me so gently as she pulls the blanket behind her over my chilling body.

"You know I'm not doing that, and nothing happened, I'm just tired" I retort and she tsks her tongue.

"So you're just going to get yourself killed then? You'll let yourself become an atomic bomb in the process?" she snaps back and I purse my lips, eyes avoiding hers.

That's certainly not my goal, but it does feel like I'm reaching that point. Coughing out blood earlier wasn't so great and I still haven't really recovered from that one, but what else can I say? What can I do? Putting others in danger just to save my skin? No thank you.

She sighs. "I understand, Y/N, I really do, but this? This is torture, you're torturing yourself. And for what? The past is behind you, you do know that, right? You can't let it do that to you all your life, you need to let it go, this isn't healthy, I'm worried".

Her voice is honest, soft and I feel terrible for doing that to her, but the solution she sees to this situation isn't one I can accept, and she knows that, as stubborn as she is to keep trying to convince me.

I shake my head and huff out softly, body and mind exhausted and in no way ready to get into that with her. We've already gone over this more than once and look at us, nothing changed. Anyway, it's too late right now, I just want to sleep and her being here at this very moment is only because I want explanations.

"What you told me on the phone, about me being in danger, about those who might be after me now, tell me more about that" I ask her and she stares at me, concern merging into anger, that I'm changing the subject so easily, but also because I'm not listening to her good point.

I know she's right, but I just can't. I can't.

"It's exactly as I said" she relents, her body slouching on the couch next to me. "Remember what the two men said, about how they were forced to do what they did, that the only reason they did what they did in the first place is because they were threatened, the man behind these decisions wanting nothing but death. Can you imagine how he would feel after seeing your magic in action? Something that could stop the strong explosion he had prepared, stopped by a single person?" she starts and I bite the inside of my cheek as I think about it from an outside perspective.

If I wanted nothing but death and saw someone with a magic strong enough to stop something made to kill hundreds of people, a magic that looks like it can do just as much damage?

"They'll want to make use of me to kill, just like with the others" I let out and she remains quiet, the only sound leaving her a sigh.

They could use anything they consider important enough to me to get me to do their bidding, something about how I need to do exactly what they want if I want my loved ones safe and sound. That's a classic move from a villain, but it doesn't make it any less scary.