when we were young

jean's pov

author's note

☼ this chapter has a lot of flashbacks to chapters five, six and seven so if you don't remember what happens you may want to skim to refresh your memory but i'm sure most of you haven't forgotten these moments just because they're about to be in jean's point of view LOL

☼ the playlist to accompany the story is on my spotify (same user as here) and the code is above :)

☼ i will never not thank all of you who read my fic, leave comments and reach out to me. you all mean so so so much to me, it truly makes me so happy. i'm so lucky fr to have y'all

☼ PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO VOTE IT MEANS A LOT TO ME ILY ALL

☼ enjoy y'all, and again, notice how these bullet points are suns??? LOL K BYE

ALL FLASHBACKS BESIDES THE CLIFF ARE ALL ITALICIZED LOL

TW: physical fighting, blood, talks of anxiety attacks

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[play eventually by tame impala]

Jean watched as you tossed his cadet jacket to dirt and turn away. He didn't even glance at the coat you just littered on the ground. He stood there, almost frozen and focused on your back as you sped walked back to the girl's bunks. Your boots were practically stomping into the ground as his smile began to softly fade.

His teeth latched on to the inside of his cheek and he began to chew it. He wanted to call you back over but your reaction from a minute ago prevents him. Your figure disappears from Jean's vision once you enter the bunks. He wishes he was able to walk you all of the way back to the bunks, but the events within the last half hour hint to him that's the last thing you wanted.

Contrasting to you beliefs, Jean wasn't completely clueless. In fact, he was painfully self aware of everything that happened tonight.

So painfully aware.

A sigh leaves his lips as he crouches down to pick up his jacket. He didn't feel real right now. Nothing about this night felt real. What did feel real was how cold he started to feel.

It's funny, in the beginning of the night he didn't hesitate giving you his jacket despite the cold weather. He didn't think twice about it, it's just what he wanted to do. The blue night was piercingly cold for anyone but Jean didn't feel it, not until you left. He was too invested in the time he spent with you to even feel the coolness.

If anything, Jean felt warm the entire night with you.

Almost as if even in the dark forest and the cold night, the sun was still right there with him.

Jean's hands go to reach for the jacket and as he does, he notices his bruised knuckles from the fight he had with Reiner a few days ago. Reiner also gifted Jean of the black eye that was beginning to fade. Flashbacks of Reiner ruthlessly going after him as Jean got only a few desperate swings run through his mind.

He remembers the fight happening in the bunks. How it was the same day he fought Eren. The same day he first talked to you and helped you put on your ODM gear. How the fight started because Jean decided to ask Reiner if you were single and if you and Reiner were together.

It was an honest mistake of Jean's part. Jean only wanted to make sure you were completely free before he tried to claim you as his. And on that first day he actually talked to you, he would see the way Reiner and Armin looked at you from the far. Even in the first few days and weeks of the cadets. Jean could care less about the way Armin would gawk at you and whisper to Eren or Mikasa about you. Armin was no competition.