The Rise And Fall Of Spamton G. Spamton

Chapter 10

Spamton entered his home with enthusiasm; the lights had been left on to avoid setting off his anxiety. He felt confident that he would be able to pay for the extra cost on the monthly bill once he called the numbers Lyle had given him. Just a little longer till I'm a big shot! I can taste it already! He jumped and clicked his heels again, running into his room. He hums to himself, the same tune he had heard from the CD bagel he ate. It was an oddly catchy tune, chipper and amusing, but it repeated the same pattern endlessly. He pulled the door open, humming as he waltzed up to his phone.

I wonder if it actually works... I guess now is a good time to find out!

He was still humming the tune as he procured the list of phone numbers from his pocket, trying to decide which to start with first. I wonder why he gave me these numbers in particular... It's obvious some of them are ex-customers, hence why a few are crossed out. Was it those punks who prank called me the first time? He shrugs, deciding to call the first number.

Spamton goes to press one of the buttons on the phone, only to find that they weren't buttons. He frowns, looking at the rotary dial with a sigh. Well duh, it's a rotary phone... He sticks his finger into one of the slots, rotating it all the way around to the metal stopper. He let go, and the wheel slowly whirred back to its starting point.

"Hm. Easy enough." He shrugs, spinning out the rest of the numbers while he held the phone to his ear. He heard a more delicate chime playing from the phone as he waited for the other person to pick up, though it sounded as off-key and abrasive as ever. The bell for this phone is definitely broken, it sounds awful... Ah well. It's the phone I have, and it's better than nothing. Spamton heard a click as the person on the other end picked up, his heart soaring.

"Hello? Who is this?" A voice crackled out, sounding somewhat elderly. Spamton could hardly contain his excitement, blurting out his advertisement.

"Spamton G. Spamton! A pleasure to meet you! Could I interest you in investing in-" There was a click on the other end before Spamton had the chance to say anything else. He shakes his head, mentally crossing off the number from his list. That's okay, he doesn't know what he's missing.

Spamton dials up the next number patiently, reminding himself to keep his head up. This one had been circled, though exactly why was a mystery to the pale Addison. He waited, drumming his fingers against the stool the phone sat upon. He perked up again as someone picked up, a peculiar feminine voice answering.

"Good morning? Who is this?" She asks. Spamton grins, feeling a little better about this one.

"Spamton G. Spamton! Miss, would you be interested in making a key investment in a product of mine? The values are sure to go up!" He tempted, biting his lip nervously as he waited for her response. They let out a soft hum, as if considering the offer.

"What are you selling?" The woman asked, her tone sounding somewhat disinterested, perhaps even disdained. The little Addison still gave his best, clearing his throat as he pulled the receiver away.

"Pipis, you lovely doll! We have offers starting as low as 4.99$! I'd take the opportunity now, because these prices are only going-!" Spamton cut himself off as the other end hung up, leaving him with an end tone. He sighs, starting to dial up the next number. "Up..." He muttered under his breath.

I wish I could say that someone accepted from those numbers... The few that seemed promising at the start always hung up after I told them what I was selling. Others hung up immediately, some never picked up. I was getting desperate. If I didn't find someone to sell to, or make a deal with, then I'd be out on the street in a few weeks.