Brighter Than The Stars: Book One

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒮𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃: 𝒟𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝐸𝓁𝒾𝒿𝒶𝒽

This wasn't the first letter Madeline wrote to Elijah, and it wouldn't be the last. Her school counselor had suggested her freshman year she write back to him, and ever since that one letter, Madeline couldn't bring herself to stop. With no return address, the envelopes gathered dust and wasted wishes. Still, having another letter from him, one written by his own hand within the last few days, filled her with possibilities Madeline worried were long since behind her.

Dear Elijah,

I received your letter today. When I saw the North Star dangling from a string, I broke, completely shattering against the grass. That's how our friendship feels; like it's dangling from this thin string, and one forgotten memory could snap it into oblivion.

For the last few years, I wondered if you were dead. With no signs from you, who was I to know any better? If you'd died when I was younger, surely I would have felt it deep in my bones. I'd feel my heart shatter the second it happened. But it's been so long, I didn't know if I'd still be able to feel it.

But you aren't dead. You're out there somewhere in the world, living a life that doesn't include me. You say I'm still your best friend. You say I still bring you comfort and calm, despite the distance. You say so many things I want to believe. And I should believe them. The proof is in the letter you sent me after all this time. Proof I haven't been forgotten.

I felt you today.

You were there, so close, yet out of reach, but I still felt you. That's my proof. If I can still feel your presence when you're near, I should still feel it if you were to leave this earth. I hate believing that. If I can't be a part of your life, I shouldn't be able to feel your death. It isn't fair.

I've loved you and thought about you every single day of my life since you disappeared from it. Sometimes I worry I don't have the details perfect in my mind. All your different smiles, the sound of your voice, the glisten of your tears, your proud stance as you tried to look strong on the outside, though I could still feel your pain. I worry I've forgotten your eyes, and how they looked with different emotions. Most of all, I'm terrified the voice I hear in my head while I remember you isn't the same.

I'll be off to college soon, as you know. I'll be starting a new life, somewhere away from this town, and away from that man who caused you so many years of nightmares. Every night I make a wish. The first night I'm there, I'll wish for you to find me in my new life.

All I've ever wanted is my best friend back. I'll take you anyway I can. I'll take the anger and pain. I'll take the nightmares. I don't need the perfect, tidied up version of you. I just need you.

-M&M

"Whatcha doing?" Her mom asked from her doorway, holding Elijah's letter between two fingers.

Her mom didn't know about the letters she wrote Elijah. They'd been her outlet for hope, affection, resentment, frustration... everything. Some of them acted more like a diary, just clearing her head of what was happening in her life. Others pleaded with him to come back to her. Others questioned if he ever thought of her at all anymore.

 "Just needed to write something down quick, is all," Madeline partly lied. She closed the notebook, clipped back her long, dark curls, and shimmied up to her pillow. "You okay after reading that?"

She shrugged. "I'm a little of everything right now. But I know he's safe, and honestly, that's all that matters to me at this point. I know he wasn't my son. I didn't birth him, and he had a wonderful mother, but it always felt like he was mine, you know? I worried about him like he was my blood, loved him like he was my blood, and I would have given my life for him, just like I would for you.

"It isn't easy when your children leave the nest. You aren't leaving for college for another few months, and you'll only be a couple of hours away, but I'm already dreading it. But when they leave the nest, and you don't know if you'll ever see them again, or hear their voice, or hold them... That's what guts you. He's my son, and I don't know where he is, or anything about his life. All I know is that he's alive, and I keep telling myself that should be enough, but I want the rest of it."

Madeline saw her mother's tears begin to fall, but she'd only just gotten over her own, and couldn't provide any real consolation. Nor did she have the energy for it. "I feel like I should have been able to move on by now," Madeline admitted. "He's never felt like my blood, but he's always been my family. Half my friends can barely remember last year, nor less nine years ago, but I still remember every detail of him, and I don't know if I wish all that would fade or not.

"He was finally here for this milestone in my life, and I couldn't even see him. I knew it. I could feel his presence, but I couldn't see him. Eventually, I just gave up looking because I thought it was all in my head. But he was here. He watched me graduate, and he stood right outside our house.

"A part of me doesn't even want to go to college. What if he comes back, even for a moment, and I'm not here? What if I end up missing my only moment to see him?"

Her mom laughed through her tears. "Fat chance of that happening, M&M. Something tells me if that time ever comes, you'll be the first person he goes looking for, and I can't imagine him stopping until he finds you. After all, the letter had your name on it, not ours."

Madeline nodded, peering down at the empty envelope at the bottom of her bed, her name scrawled on the front. "I miss him."

"We all do, honey," her mom told her. "But you still have a life to lead, and that starts with going to that graduation party."

Madeline groaned, realizing she had no other choice. Her second place (her words, not Madeline's) best friend was meeting her and her boyfriend. She'd have to get herself prettied up and force a smile on her face for the next several hours.