Brighter Than The Stars: Book One

Alternate 2.6

"Alright," her father began, clapping his hands together as he walked into the room, "I found you a hotel over in Upton. Not exactly right in town, but with the high school just three blocks away, it's not like you aren't used to the drive. The two of you should probably just go deal with check-in now, so you don't have to do it while you're in a food coma."

That was fair. Pretty much every year was the same. They'd begin the day in high spirits, start to get antsy by noon, turn on some holiday movie in the basement because only one person wants to keep watching football, and by the time the movie was over, they'd sit down at the table. One person would suggest going on a long walk, or take a drive to see how the festival preparations are doing. Within fifteen minutes of the first bite, no one would want to move from wherever they'd plopped themselves down for the foreseeable future. There'd be desserts offered that no one wanted to touch, and three hours later, they'd get right back up for turkey sandwiches. 

Every year, they'd fall for it, and every year, no one had the restraint to pace themselves. A true family tradition, which she guessed was the same for most every family who celebrated Thanksgiving. 

Madeline honestly wasn't sure why anyone would celebrate such a holiday, given it was more or less a celebration of genocide. But hell, there was awesome food, and if you ignored its true meaning, it was a pretty good time until regret kicked in.

"You might want to check on that man of your, Maddie," her cousin called out, apparently back up from the basement where her kids were already watching movies. "He's out there staring at his old house, looking like he wants to take a flame thrower to it."

Madeline rushed out of the kitchen, straight through the living room, and out the front door, hearing her father not far behind. Her cousin was right. Last night, they'd arrived in the darkness of nightfall. Now that he was able to see his old house in the morning's light, Elijah didn't seem to be taking it as well. 

Even from several feet away, she was able to see all the signs on Elijah. His flushed skin, flaring nostrils, droplets of sweat on his temples, despite the strong chill in the air. She saw his hands bunched into fists, one of them punching against his thighs. And as she grew closer yet, she heard the muttering, yet couldn't make out the words. She could see the vein popping out of neck. 

"This was the darkness I didn't want you to see, M&M. Go back inside," Elijah ordered.

Madeline wasn't one to be bossed around, and despite his serious tone, she wasn't going to start now. "You also told me I was the one who brought you out of the darkness. That thinking of me calmed you."

There was only a slight turn of his head, but Elijah still didn't look at her. "Did you memorize that whole fucking letter?"

"I memorized both fucking letters," she told him. "I barely had any link to you, so what I did have, I cherished. Are you telling me if I'd been able to send you the letter I wrote you, you wouldn't have read them over and over again?"

"Honestly, I probably wouldn't have opened them to begin with," Elijah told her, giving her no time to absorb the comment before he continued. "If you remember the letter, you remember what I told you about how I used to go into his room at night with a bat or a knife, wondering if I had it in me to do it. Once I realized I did, I had to leave town.

"Then I came back to watch you graduate. I'd been doing okay for a few years at that point, but once I was done writing that letter, knowing I was going back to that town, back by this fucking house, that's when I realized that just because I learned to control that anger and darkness, didn't mean I didn't still have it in me. It was still fucking there, the whole time. Every now and then, bits of it would leak out, and that's when I thought of you, or went and found some other way to release it. 

"I came back into town with a gun under the passenger seat of the same car I drove away in, and when I pulled up to your house, I knew if I walked over there, I wouldn't even hesitate to pull that fucking trigger. That's why I wouldn't have read your letters, and that's why I didn't look you up as soon as you went off to college. I didn't deserve to have you in my life then, and I probably don't now. The only reason I felt okay about contacting you was because the only person I knew I was capable of killing was already dead. 

"I thought the anger would fade, Maddie. I could feel it fading as soon as I found out, and it was like the rest of it disappeared as soon as I opened my eyes and saw you standing there. I thought his death would fit me, but looking at this house, I'm not so sure I can be fixed."

Madeline's heart ached for him, but as much as she wanted to take Elijah in her arms and hold him, once she stepped forward, her father grabbed her arm to keep her in place. 

"Six years ago, I screwed with Harrison's brake lines" her dad admitted. "The truck was rusted to hell anyhow, so I figured it couldn't look intentional. I saw that asshole was dating some woman with a kid, and I just snapped. I hate myself for not even worrying who he could take down with him, but he noticed the puddle of brake fluid the next morning when he pulled out of the driveway."

Elijah turned at her father's words, his fists seeming to loosen as he took in her father's confession. 

When her dad noticed the shift in Elijah, he stepped forward. "Your father's death can't erase your pain, Elijah. It won't erase the trauma you went through, and it won't magically take away the anger you feel because of that trauma. 

"If it were some stranger showing up, wanting to be in my daughter's life who had that sort of anger, you can bet your ass I wouldn't be letting him within ten feet of her. But you aren't a stranger, Elijah. I know your heart, and I know it's with love for Maddie. That love is so much bigger than the hate, son. If it wasn't, it would have consumed you years ago. 

"You deserve everything good in this world, Elijah, including Maddie. And it pisses me off to high hell that you think you don't. He may have had a hand making you, but I'm your father, goddammit, and I won't stand by watch you self-destruct, and push away the best thing that's ever happened to you, which is standing right behind me. And I sure as hell won't watch you give into whatever bad shit you think outweighs the good. 

"So I'm telling you one time, son, get back in the house and get your head on straight. I'm not letting some dead fucker ruin the first holiday we have you back, and I refuse to watch him controlling you from the grave, because you are ten times the man that he ever was, even on his best day, if he ever had one."

Elijah's eyes closed and chin dropped, and she watched in agony as his body shook, and the tears began to fall. Once a heavy sob escaped him, her father rushed over, taking him into his arms. It was like her dad's touch was all Elijah needed to break down. 

Even as he fell to his knees, her dad wouldn't let go. Instead, he joined him on the pavement and held him as if both their lives depended on it. "You deserve everything good in this world, Elijah. I need you to remember that, because if you let that darkness consume you, that bastard wins."