Memories ~ Attack on Titan

Chapter twenty six

——Rin pov——
They finally gave the order to retreat. Reiner helped me since I still couldn't walk properly, he let me hold onto his arm. I looked around frantically, so many dead bodies. Finally I saw him, I pulled away from Reiner snd hobbled over to my dad. I attempted to run but that proved impossible. When I got In arms length of him I grabbed onto his jacket, "dad!" I practically shouted and collapsed in his arms. He held me while I hugged him tightly before he pulled me back, "what happened to you?" He said looking down at my sealed ankle. I felt embarrassed, I should have been able to take her down but, I managed to myself get hurt. "I'm sorry dad, I almost had her but." He looked at me coldly, "you did good. Better then most." I smiled a little, "where's Petra? And Oluo. Gunther and Eld, I haven't seen any of them since we got here." I looked around but my father turned me to face him, he held me still before looking at the pile of 4 bodies wrapped up next to his feet.
No way. No way in hell.
I felt my heart physically shatter and drop to the put of my stomach. My knees got wobbly and my mouth was dry. My legs suddenly have out but Levi caught me before i hit the floor. He held me close to him, I wanted to hug him, hold onto my dad but my body felt completely numb. Then I felt it all at once, the physical pain that comes with heart break, I wrapped my arms around his neck and I couldn't hold it back. I started crying, I Buried my face in his neck to suppress any sounds but the ugly crying wouldn't stop. Levi pulled us both to the ground so we were kneeling in front of the bodies. My crying has slowed but when he started to unwrap one of them it started up again. I pulled my knees to my chest and cried. After a moment Levi stood up, he stood in front of me and out stretched his hand. I looked up at him, still crying. "Rin, stand up." My crying has slowed, I looked at the ground, I felt like I could throw up, "I- I can't." Levi looked at me more impatiently, "I said, stand up." And then, for the first time I raised my voice at my father, "I said I can't! What the fuck is your problem? If you're cold hearted that's fine but leave me alone!" I said, Tears streaming down my face in silent sobs. Levi sighed, "do you know how many people I've watched die? How many I wish I could have saved? By now, countless. But you can't wallow, I have work to do, you have work to do. They served their purpose till the very end. They fulfilled their duties to the very end, and they died so we could live. They fought so we could fight. Do you want their deaths to be in vain? Eld, Petra, Oluo, Gunther, they didn't die for you to sit her and throw yourself into another hole. I thought you learned your lesson last time, but because you're my daughter I'll tell you again. Mourn on your own time, right now you have a job to do. Petra didn't die for you to mope, Oluo didn't die so that you could fall apart on us. Isabel didn't die for you to not get back up. You still have a purpose, you're still alive, you can't avenge them if you're laying on the ground. You can't save anyone while yours mopping in a corner. If you're just going to lay there, they may as well have died for nothing. Now I'll say it one more time, get up, Rin," he said calm and slow, as he held his hand out for me to take.
He was right. Of course he was, he always was. I can cry about it later, when I'm alone. Right now we have work to do, we have a job to do. I need to put my feelings aside, for the greater good of humanity.
I looked up at my dad, my tears as stoped. I reached up and gripped his hand as he helped pull me to my feet. Levi looked at me for a moment before walking away towards Erwin. I looked down at the pile of bodies at my feet, "Petra, Gunther, Eld and Oluo. You did good. Thank you for being my family. Rest easy," I whispered before walking away. I saw Armin standing in the back of one of the carts lifting bodies. I walked towards him and noticed Jean was there too. I looked up at Armin, "do you need any help or are you finished here?" I asked coldly. Both of the boys looked taken back by my tone. Armin looked down at me with sad eyes, "Rin. I heard about-," I didn't want to hear it, I cut him off before he could finish, "don't worry about it. They did their jobs, now I need to do mine." We were silent for a moment before Jean spoke, "it seems like death is everywhere now days, all I can seem to think about it how it'll end. Who is next and wether it'll be me." I walked over to Jean,
He insulted my commander, Im still pissed that he hasn't given me a real apology yet. But we've all been through a lot today, and I still care about the idiot. So the least I can do is give him a piece of mind.
I put my hand on his arm, "you won't be. I won't allow it. All of you, I'd do anything for any one of you." Jean looked down at me before sighing, "I'm sorry Rin, for letting my temper get the best of me earlier." It was nice to hear his apology, "it's okay. Just don't do it again."
Armin sighed, "try not to obsess over death guys. The only thing that is good for it breaking your nerves. Trust me. Just push it out if your mind." The three of us walked away from the truck. I saw commander Erwin and my father, I headed for them.
"I SAW IVAN'S BODY HE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!"
"Yea and if you didn't notice their were titans near by. Go back and why might die ourselves"