Cracked Stories

Spirit Of A Hero And The Heart Of A Saiyan On Crack Pt. 2

Chapter 7:

Widow: Okay, you little FUCKS, you got a FUCKING mission! Shits been getting robbed! Partner up!

Yuno: Yay!

Widow: You get no one!

Yuno: Less yay!

Hard cut to Yuno sitting on a roof. 20 minutes pass. 40 minutes pass. 1 hour and 40 minutes pass.

EXPLOSION!

Yuno: Yes! Crime!

Yuno called his team with his 2008 Justin Beiber flip phone. He listens to Baby until someone answers.

Yuno: Crime.

Gwen: Say less.

Yuno: Less.

Yuno hangs up and dives head first off the building. He lands on the street and fucking explodes which alerts the robbers. The robbers then shoot Yuno.

He quickly moves his hand around, but misses every single bullet which tears through him.

He coughs. The robbers then get into their car and start to drive away, but they blow up.

Yuno: Well, what the hell?

Suddenly, another person appears!

Berserker: I AM YOUR RIVAL!

The two stand there emotionless for a second. They then start slap hitting each other at super speeds. Berserker then slaps Yuno which knocks him out.

The other heroes arrive. Berserker just walks away.

Gwen: Yuno!

Viv: He is alive.

Gwen: Oh, thank God.

Berserker lands and finds Taskmaster standing there.

Taskmaster: Wanna shake my hand, SAYAIN?!

Berserker: Saiyan.

Taskmaster: That is what I said, Vegta!

Berserker: My name is…

Taskmaster: Your name is Vegta, you little shit.

Chapter 8:

Yuno: Ouch.

Yuno looks at Laura who is staring at him.

Yuno: Aw, you care.

Laura: I will rip your fucking head off the moment it becomes convenient for me.

Yuno: You love me.

Laura: I do not.

Yuno: Yes you do.

Laura: Say I love you one more time and I swear to God I will make Hiroshima look like the US and Japan had a fucking play date.

Yuno sits there in silence.

Yuno: You love me.

Laura leaps at Yuno.

The door suddenly gets kicked open by Widow. She glides towards Yuno who screams.

Yuno sits on the couch wrapped in bandages while Gwen sits there.

Yuno: I want to get stuff from my old place.

Gwen: Widow will kill you.

Yuno: That only makes me want to do it more.

Gwen: Fine, but I'm going with you.

Yuno: Yay! Date time!

Gwen: D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-

Yuno stands there and waits for Gwen to stop stuttering. She just falls over and starts to have a seizure. Yuno does nothing.

Yuno and Gwen stand in his shifty apartment which have been taken over by the rat king and his loyal subjects. Yuno picks up a letter.

Yuno's Father: Eat your beans, you little shit.

Yuno opens a bag and pulls out a bean. He then eats it. It's crunchy and a bit dusty. He swallows it but begins to choke. His body immediately becomes healed, but he struggles to breathe.

Gwen: Wow. This is really useful to have. Imagine how useful these will become in the future. I bet these won't be forgotten until it becomes convenient for the plot.

Yuno gasps for air.

Yuno and Gwen stand on the street.

Yuno: My daddy left me one last gift.

Gwen: What's that?

Yuno: NIMBUS!

A cloud suddenly appears in front of the two. Yuno gets on it and pulls out a key. He puts it in and turns it. The cloud kicks for a second before it finally starts, sending a large black cloud out of the back. The entire thing starts to rattle.

Yuno: Let me show you the world, Gwen.

Dio: ZA WARRUDOOOOOO!!!

Dip suddenly appears and punches Yuno off the cloud. He then hops on and drives away.

Chapter 9:

Miles: Just the bois!

Yuno: The bois!

Black Cat: Meow~

Yuno: FUCK!

Chapter 10:

Laura: Who took my shit?!

Gwen: Who took my shit?!

Marvel: My shit!

Miles: Yo, can't have shit in New York!

Viv: My items have been taken.

Riri: They got T!

Torrun: You mortals took my shit!

Sam: MY BABIES!

Everyone looks to Yuno. Numbers fly around his head before he realizes who it could be.

Yuno: FUCK! It's the bitch from the last chapter.

Widow: New mission, you little FUCKS!

Everyone stands in a warehouse where Sam is hit in the head by a stray bully club. Daredevil, Jessica Jones, and Luke Cage all jump out.

Daredevil: Time to do vigilante shit! Oh, and here's a new friend.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out Iron Fist. Iron Fist waves at the others.