FRIENDS

17

It had been two weeks since I'd left LA and I still hadn't spoken to Michael. The boys were in Europe now and from the way Ashton spoke, everyone was having the time of their lives. Ash claimed that he missed me too much to have that much fun, but I knew he was just trying to make me feel better. He felt bad that such a small amount of time had passed and Calum and Michael didn't still feel guilty. For all I knew, Michael had never felt bad. I mean, if he had felt bad, you'd think that he would've done something to make it up to me. You'd think that he would have apologized like Calum had. But no, from Michael I received absolute silence and that let me know where he stood.

Out of the four, Luke and Ashton were the only two I had talked to since I'd left. Cal had tried to talk to me, but I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. While I agreed with what he had said to me, it still hurt. I had gotten Ashton to tell him to give me a bit of space and I'd call him eventually. After that, Calum had obliged.

I had gone back to work after about a week of being home, and when I wasn't working and Zoe wasn't in school, we were together. Things were still slightly awkward and I knew that she didn't yet feel comfortable talking to me about things. We were friends again, but we weren't best friends. It was hard to just instantly let someone in and let them know everything about you so I understood where Zoe was coming from. She didn't really know me anymore and she had to get to know me before she came to trust me.

I, on the other hand, had gone full force into things. I wanted to desperately for things to go back to 'normal'. I wanted to hear her thoughts and her fears and know her secrets again. I craved being close to someone. Even when Michael had been across the world, we were still close. I had been closer to Michael than anyone on this planet, but that was over now. And I needed that type of friendship with someone, and I knew that Zoe was a good friend.

Zoe and I were hanging out in my basement listening to music about an hour after I'd gotten off work that day, and neither of us had really said much. It was a comfortable silence for the most part.

For the past few days, all I had really done was vent about how badly I just wanted Michael to talk to me. I wanted him to call me or text me or Skype me. I wanted him to try and communicate with me in any fucking form, but I refused to be the one to initiate the conversation.

"Maybe I could get Ashton to tell him to call me." I said aloud. Zoe sighed and turned to face me, pulling her legs onto the couch and against her chest.

"I don't think you should get Ashton involved. He's already stuck in the middle and it's hard to choose a side when it's your best friend and the person you love." She said. I sighed. The thing was, that wasn't always true. When it had come Michael and Zoe, I had chosen within seconds, and for the first time ever I had started to believe that perhaps I had made the wrong choice. Maybe I should have chosen Zoe from the beginning. My whole life would have been different, but maybe it would've been better.

Now, there was really no way to know. I had made my choices then and I had to live with them.

All through my twenty years of life, I had believed that everything happens for a reason and that there was no point in regretting your decisions. I had believed that what was meant to be was meant to be, but now I was seeing things different. How could I have left myself get so caught up in Michael, not realizing how wrong I was to believe that everything would work out in my favour? In all the time I had known him, he had never shown me that he had feelings for me, but I held on, thinking that one day things would change. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have spent my life waiting on a boy who would never want me.

I realized that now. And no matter how badly I wanted him to call me, no matter how badly I wanted to hear his voice or see his smile, it was probably for the best that I wasn't.