A Hidden Picture

Three

~ Annalise

Sometimes it just feels like I don't understand anything.

Nothing makes sense. Nobody makes sense. I don't make sense. The world doesn't make sense.

Thinking about it too much makes my brain feel like it's suffocating like a dead fish flopping on it's sides repeatedly as it dries out from the sun on a shoreline.

Why is my sister the way she is?

Why is my mother the way she is?

Why does the world fucking suck?

When I was younger I wanted to know everything.

My mind asked new questions about everything I could see and couldn't.

And it'd get to a point where eventually I'd be hugging my knees on the floor trying to make myself small as the air would get stuck in my throat and my lungs would tighten.

The most common question the human species has always asked is, why?

The reason we are as advanced as we are now is because we ask why.

A tiger doesn't think about why he needs food. He doesn't think about why he hunts a specific animal. He just does it. It's in his nature.

Asking yourself why all the time doesn't always have to feel suffocating though.

Sometimes I enjoy asking why and not receiving an answer.

The unknown is fun to imagine about.

Because if we had the answer to everything there would be no necessity for imagination. Which, is one of the things that make us human.

I watch absently as everyone leaves school to head home. I've been sitting here for a while, clearing my head and keeping it up in the clouds where I wish it could stay forever.

The scratched wooden bench is cold and hard beneath my butt. I'm actually quite uncomfortable but I'm too lazy to get up and start my walk home.

I just lean back and stare at everyone as they walk by and out the school to go home.

My eyes follow the girl who always manages to start fights wherever she goes. I think her name is Ashley.

Then to the boy whose laugh could make everyone's head turn from how loud and obnoxious it is. It sounds like a really vocal hyena. Except if never fails to make me smile to myself as I read during lunch and hear it.

My eyes then dart to the girl who I've seen around school since elementary and yet never have heard her voice.

My gaze turns to the group of football players who walk out through one of the side doors that I'm near.

I wonder why the one with red hair walks with a slight limp. Maybe he was born with scoliosis and because of it can't walk straight.

I wonder why the guy with black hair has been with so many girls that he's probably contacted five STDs by the age of 18. Maybe he went through sexual trauma as a child which led to him becoming hyper sexual. Or maybe he secretly takes drugs to feel something because he's been suffering with depression since the third grade and is too scared to say anything about it so he turned to drugs which then led him to being a hyper sexual person. Or maybe he's just horny as fuck and has commitment issues.

Except I remember reading in a book once where a psychologist explained about the over use of alcohol and drugs can lead to someone wanting to be more engaged with sexual activity-