The Forgotten Four

3: Hope & Denial

Chapter Three

That night was one of those when no matter how much effort you put, sleep wouldn't even roam around you. The fact that one of my family members, who used to be so dear to me, whom I missed so much the past three years, was finally here. Here to talk, and here to stay ... I hoped, was driving me crazy, making me feel distant from reality.

The thoughts that had me sleepless in the dark were also the ones I thought about in the dawn, and after. It wasn't easy to except such a huge change, one that I knew would affect me and my family. Ishan's disappearance was one of the most tragic details of my life. And him returning grew the following reactions out of me.

Hope: losing Ishan was catastrophic. He was more than just a brother to me; a best friend. With our age gap being only three years, we grew up closely bound. From sharing the same room to going to school together and back home. From telling each other secrets that no one was allowed to know to covering up for each other's mistakes, we always had one another's back. Seeing him again, in flesh, smiling at me, trying to have my forgiveness, made me feel hope. Hope felt nice to me. Hope feels like home. And home is where hopes are sated.

Denial; The sleepless nights were in fact because of the denial that seeped into my conscious. It was because I cared so much that the fear of losing him again sent terrorising shivers down my spine. It took me a lot of time to get over the fact that someone I called family had cut ties with me. From the four brothers that I have, three of them failed to leave the kind of effect that would disturb my future from their disappearance. Ishan was different. He had an influence on me. Him leaving hurt me more than anything had ever and I wasn't sure if he was aware of it. The time I spent outside the Mart was precious to me no matter how mad I made it out to be in front of him. I cannot deny the fact that it was a meek façade to hide my relief. The same relief made me realise how dangerously close I was letting my heart get hurt again. It would break me entirely if Ishan decides to abandon me once again, leaving my heart broken into pieces, once again. Abandonment has the potential of shrill damage, one that leave scars.

***

My limbs run as far and fast as they could. Beads of sweat appeared on my forehead that was starting to drip down my face. I was panting heavily and it only increased with me running towards my house. I halted before the front door and started untying my shoelace but ended up knotting them up (much to my annoyance). A dissatisfied sound came from the back of my throat as I pulled my shoe out, not bothering about the messed-up laces, and threw them away where I could not, and did not care about.

Pushing myself inside the living room, my eyes involuntarily found the clock on the right wall of the living room. It was half past four, meaning I only had thirty minutes to have lunch and take a bath before I could run back to the Mart.

In that moment, nothing made me more furious than extra lectures. It was a decision where I had to choose between attending a very important lecture and reaching the Mart on time. I prioritised both, but sacrificed my non athletic body. Damn that bus stop for being so far away from my house. I'm sure I looked quite funny, might even mad to the passer by. I was a person to believe in first impression is the last impression, meaning I wasn't going to set an image on an unpunctual girl on the second day of my job! And taking a cab was out of questions. Recently, those expenditure were minimalist— rather non-existent in my family's budget.

''you're late,'' My father greeted me with his cold voice. His eyes did not meet mine as he stared at the cricket match on the television. But I knew he was waiting for an answer.

''extra lecture,'' I told him, my voice sounding squeakier than I intended it to be and I tried to stop th panting. I needed to calm down. I threw my bag on the kitchen counter, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.