There Is No Me Beyond You

~40~

We slept little and were up before sunrise, even though we had decided that we would not walk through the portal too early-- several things were still keeping us back.

One of them was that suddenly I could not make myself part from Katerina. It had been easier the last time, as she was not around when Junior took me back, and everything happened so fast that I did not have time to think. Now, parting from my old nurse, taking Vlad with me, felt somehow... final, despite her repeated promise that she would stay in the castle, and we could just walk back in the following Halloween.

The same was true about Clara. Knowing that she was my half-sister, the only sibling I had ever had, was not making anything easier-- having to leave her now, eight months pregnant, was making me feel sad.

My friend, Father Boian, who had not regained consciousness fully yet, was my other worry, my other tie to this world-- I wished I could be next to him when he woke up, and help him get used to his new reality.

And then there was Radu, my brother-in-law whom I loved now as much as I loved my step-son, who had not returned yet from Hunedoara.

But the time was ticking. The nails inserted in a long, thick candle placed on the mantelpiece kept dropping to its wide metal holder; the moments I had left in this world were melting away like the wax...

Standing up from the table after our last lunch together, I walked across the kitchen to the huge fireplace, where my wolves were sleeping. I checked the pockets of my coat lying on the bench by the hearth-- I had all the things I wanted to carry with me home there, there was no need to go back to my chamber...

"Do we really have to leave?" Lucas' voice scattered my thoughts even as I sat down, burying my hands in Shadow's soft fur.

I looked up, following his gaze towards one of the maids collecting the dishes from the table. It was the same girl I kept meeting in the corridors whenever Lucas was around.

"Oh gosh..." I breathed, realising for the first time that he might have actually fallen in love. "We do, you know that. And... Nicole is waiting for you on the other side, and Aurora. Anaïs, your father... " I added, trying to cheer him up.

"Oh well... But we're coming back next year, right? I'm definitely coming..."

"That's the plan." I smiled at him.

"When are we leaving? I need to gather my things and say goodbye..."

"Soon, I believe. Even if they handled the fire on the other side, they would not let anyone in before the Halloween Night Tour, I don't think..."

"And walking through the passage takes some time..."

"Exactly. I think we'll part as soon as it gets dark. That's when I left this place before, meeting all of you at the end of your tour, remember?"

"Of course. How could I forget? You were such a mess, you never stopped crying..." he grinned, pulling me in an embrace.

"I just wish Radu returned in time." I mused when he let go of me. "What's her name, by the way?" I called after him as he left me with my wolves and followed the girl out of the room.

"Larissa." he called, then was gone.

The moment it got completely dark outside we gathered in the Great Hall. Only the length of the large room was separating us from the massive wooden door, the portal leading to my other world. The soft, obnoxious buzzing which apparently only I could hear was making my head spin. And soon I'd feel worse, crossing the time passage always made me feel weak and nauseous...

Why can't we just take Aurora and stay here... I despaired, dabbing at my eyes with my sleeve inconspicuously, wishing I could somehow merge my two worlds.