Bittersweet | GonKillu

Surprise x and x demise

"Big brother... you understand right? He doesnt desurve you" Alluka repeated, and I was frozen. No, he does- he's out of my league, far above to be honest, but... he... will always be my friend. And friends love eachother. He is like my brother, he cant just... leave. He's a part of the whole of what I am, if he leaves and.. Alluka dies, then.... I'm only a third of myself.

No. I cant accept the fact he abandoned me. He didnt. He loves me. Right? Not romantically, I'm not even worried about that now, I'm worried if his platonic love is running out and I'm not worthy enough to stand by his side. I stared at the outside through the window, it was getting dark. A hushed gasp excaped my lips, and they themselves trembled slightly. "... Big brother I'm going to the little girls room 'kay?" Alluka said quietly, getting up from my side and left the room.

Good. Now she's gone for a bit. She doesnt need to see this. I gently sit up, rip the iv from out of my arm, and put my pale feet on the Antarctic cold tile. The pale blue hospital gown I was wearing slightly dripped with blood from my open iv wound. I shuffled my feet slightly to get up, but I noticed Gon left his backpack here. What? I gently sit down at the chair by me, and place the tan bag in my lap and smell it. His scent. It's weird to anyone watching but... I miss him. I gently open the flaps of the bag and peek inside, and...

I found a small rubber frog the size of my thumb. My face contorted to a smile, this is what I gave Gon as a one year friendship anniversary when I was 6... my heart felt like it was expanding with love, Gons so adorable.. he kept this the whole time. I placed the little frog to the side and went snooping for more stuff. I then pulled out the big lump that was resting on top of everything, its... my hoodie? Damn it he stole it- I smile a bit more and set that aside too, and rummage. Then... a picture, of me him and his aunt. We were all doing a baking project, covered all in flour and gon and I were playing in the background while Mito looked frustrated with the mess. I giggled, I love how much sentimental stuff Gon has in here, like a memory bag.

There was one last thing in there, a book. I pulled it out and put the now empty tan bag down, then looked at the cover, 'diary of a frog boy' aw... he has a diary. I wonder what he says about me- he's been a douche to me so I can read a couple entries! Ahem- I fold back the cover and read the first one:

Dear Diary
Hi! You must be wondering who I am! Well, as your reading my diary, you might want to know that my name is Gon, I'm 12(this part was scribbled out and rewritten as: 14) and I love baking with my Aunt Mito!

I giggle at this goofy first entry, and flip to the middle of the book to take a peek:

Dear diary
I think I may have a crush...

Oh great an entry about Hannah or some shit, I roll my eyes.

.. I feel bad about having this crush, so I'm going to tell you and you alone. Actually I'm writing but whatever. So- You know my best friend I've been writing about? Yeah uh... its him.

I pause- best friend- wait... me? My face flutters with a rose pink, nooo it can't be me..

His beautiful white hair is like an anomaly- like how IS IT WHITE- Its like Killua is a little old man. BUT- I mean it in a cute way, like a little marshmallow. I wanna pet him so b a d- but he doesnt like being touched.

I dont like people touching me, but your an exception, idiot. I giggle to myself despite that, and flip to the next entry. My when face turned red and my eyes shot open:

Dear diary
I may have kissed my best friend- on the lips. And liked it. What's wrong with me? I.. have a girlfriend. But I like this intimacy from Killua. But.. how do I get more? I cant just ask, "hey killua do you want to make out and maybe go further?" Because that's creepy and suspicious- so what am I suppose to say?? The other thing stopping me from asking is the guilt of it that's associated with Hannah. I dont even love Hannah, she asked me out and I said sure. Then she kissed me at our date and- well she just seemed like a good person! But.. now she just wants to go further then I am comfortable with and I dont have the heart to tell her no.

Hold on hold ON- That's a lot to process- first of all, he wants to... kiss me? What does he mean by going further then that? And second of all he doesnt love Hannah? This is a lot to process- ugh ny brain hurts. As I close the book. The door opens and Alluka walks inside confused, "huh? Big brother what-" she looked at my open wound. "AHHH- big brother your arm! Blood!" She whined, and hurried over, and I looked at it- oh that's a lot of blood gone now. Oh well. If I die now I'm fine- I know that he wants to kiss me, that's all I need to die happily. "I embrace my death" I say dramatically, and Alluka whines, "Big brotherrer that's not a jokeee-" she pushes the nurses aid button and I shrugged with a giggle. She giggled too.

"Big brother why are you ransacking Gon's stuff?" She questioned, and I literally threw it all under the bed, "what stuff?" She squinted her eyes, "and what about the amount of red in your face? What did you do-" I shook my head, "ALLUKA- I didnt do anything more then read his diary." She gasped, "Big b r o t h e r!" She poked my cheek, "bad! Would Gon read your diary?" She huffed, and I shrugged, "He would be scared of me if he did-" I chuckle. We both share another laugh.

"But seriously your losing lots of blood-" Alluka reminded me, and my vision became blurry, oh right- wooooo... I feel sleepy.. I fell to the cold tiled floor and my senses started to shut off, like everything being blurred togeather. Is this what dyings like?