Bittersweet | GonKillu

Grasping x and x masking

Hello readers♡
Before you read this chapter, I just published a new GonKillu book called, "Sunflower"!
Please check it out ♡
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Killua's POV:

I didn't mean to make this awkward. I want him, I really do- but... He has a boyfriend, and I got reminded of what happened at the party once he touched me. I feel so guilty, it's his birthday and I'm denying him what he wants. I shouldn't care about the incident now. But I still do. I feel like I need to make it up to him.... I'll buy him whatever he wants to eat at the restaurant. That's the best I can do to make up for this. But for now... I can show him that it's not his fault. We can still be slightly intimate.

I gently place a kiss onto his shoulder, and hug him close. "... Killua.." he said quietly, feeling sorry for me. "... It's fine. Just hug me." I say, pushing my feelings of anxiety and nervousness down deep. He gulped and hugged me back, resting his chin on my shoulder. I love him... why can't he just dump his dumb cheating boyfriend.. I saw him with a girl on Huntergram. I hid it from Gon, not wanting his heart to brake. But a deep hatred towards the jock boiled deep within me. The thing keeping me from confronting him is the fear that he will get Gon to hate me.

That's the absolute worst thing that someone could do. Gon gently hummed as he pet my back, and I silently enjoyed his embrace. Then the girls walked in, Alluka gasped at the attention I was getting and whined, "Cuddles without me?" She pouted, and curled up between us. I chuckled and hugged on my sister. Gon just went quiet and got up, and I looked at him as he left the room. I thought we were hugging? ".. What happened?" Canary inquired at me, as I pat my little sister's head. ".... nothing" I say quietly, and Canary shakes her head, "Lies. Tell me what happened, you look down and Gon just left the room."

"... It's my fault. He wanted to do something and I told him no." I say guilty, hugging my sister close who nuzzled my chest lovingly. "What did you say no to?" Canary inquired, and I paused and covered Alluka's ears, ".. He wanted to go further then I was comfortable with and I had to say no. He wanted to... touch me. I feel bad, Canary- it's his birthday.." I said quietly, with half lidded eyes. She was in shock for a little, then looked at me seriously, "... Killua, that's not your fault. You went through major stuff resently and need to recover mentally. And what your brother did to you is something that takes months, even years to recover from. Gon was just ignorant or pushy.. he should have known above all people that you need time."

"... I still feel guilty. He just turned 16 and he wanted to try something for his birthday.... I ruined it. I ruin everything with my stupid, stupid mental shit-" I rasped out, my throat closing down slightly and my eyes welling up. Canary sighed quietly, "No Killua, it's not your fault- but atleast you know now that he's up for that, if that's the only good side... You just did nothing wrong and I'll talk to Gon, ok?" Ahe smiled warmly and left the room, and my hands shakingly let go of Alluka's ears as I quietly resisted breaking down. She pouted and put her hands on my cheeks, "Big brother...?"

Canary's POV:

Didn't even know that the boys were even anywhere close to that point in a relationship- Gon has a boyfriend doesn't he-? So why did he attempt to even... ugh whatever. That idiot doesn't even know what he's doing. I sigh and track him down to helping his aunt in the kitchen, rolling out dough. I tap him on the shoulder and he looks behind, "Oh hi Canary!" He smiled, going back to kneading the dough. "Gon, what is it between you and Killua?" I question him, and he paused. "... he's my best friend of course" he said and resumed, slightly more aggressive with the kneading.

".... Well, do best friends kiss?" I say, slightly exposing him. He elevated his kneading and was silent. "Do they?" I repeat, and he stopped and turned around to look me me The eyes. "Killua and I's relationship is nothing of you to be concerned about. Yes, sometimes we get a bit close and maybe kiss. And? What is the point?" He said, voice laced in venom and defensiveness. I gulped, didnt expect him to get so offended I brought it up- "Well uh... Your leading him on, Gon- you have a boyfriend may I remind you- and you just tried to be intimate with your best friend." I say quietly, and Gon stared me into the eyes coldly, "and who told you anything?"

"... Killua. But that doesn't matter-" I say, confused why he's getting so wound up. He was completely still, his face unreadable. ".... Killua told you? He... let our mishap out? What else has he said?" He said in a monotone. I don't like this side of Gon... it's creepy. He's not suppose to act mature. I gulped, "... Well it's not your business what he confided to me..." I say calmly, and Gon looked back into my eyes, "... Did he tell you about what happened two days ago? Between us?" I burrowed my brows, what? "... No? What happened two days ago-" I question. Gon lightened up a bit and turned around to get back to what he was doing, "Oh it was nothing-" he hummed.

... How the hell did the just- ... "Gon- what happened? Why are you trying to advance with Killua so early? You should know that he is still traumatized from when his brother-" "Have a nice day" He interrupted, not letting me complete my thought. Forget what happened between them... what happened with Gon? I exhale deeply and go back upstairs, to see Killua and Alluka playing dolls in the corner of the room. A warm smile was on Killua's still slightly pink face. It may be Gon's birthday but..

I won't let him take that smile off of Killua's face.