Disequilibrium

Part 2: Sophomore Year - Scene 5

Three days later

 

Casper's streak of silence is becoming a norm. A norm I don't necessarily want, but it's there anyway like an uninvited guest. I don't even know what I did to freak him out. Hadn't I smiled enough? Joked enough? So what does he have left to worry over?

I don't know, and every day I'd be waiting for him to explain it. But he'd either turn the other way when he saw me coming down the hall or screen my phone calls and messages. Forty-eight goddamn hours of silence and neglect. It's hell.

Aaron isn't as private with his feelings, though. I know he'd do anything to kill me for lying to Casper. But he never confronts me about it. I don't understand that either, but I'm not that interested in knowing. So I just watch them both carefully, waiting for the moment where the curse breaks and everything goes back to normal.

Dad says I'm an expert at watching. Said I'd been doing it since I was born. He claims he's received calls from every teacher I had until grade seven complaining about it. I think it would be a good idea to get your son tested, they would say. I feel like he's socially inept, and it's beginning to make the other kids uncomfortable.

Dad always told them he understood their concern and he'd be right on it, but he never took me to any damn doctor. Not once.

It isn't until the third day of silence I sense a shift in the air. My chest doesn't feel as heavy anymore and the air is easier to take in. I don't understand it at first--there seems to be a lot of things I don't understand--until I make it to the staircase at lunch.

He's right there, waiting at his usual spot by the big window. This time, when I make my way in front of him, he shifts his eyes from the window and stares right at me. I always thought he had a problem looking in the eyes of someone else. I thought it made him nervous. But after two days of watching him, I realise he only had a problem with mine. But now he's looking--I mean, really looking--with a smile planted on his lips.

I should be mad at him. I should yell and tell him to fuck off. Throw a fit to wring the guilt out of him. But instead, I make my way to the space beside him and sit like he's not there. I'm not close enough to make him feel like I'm fine with everything, but not too far to make it seem like I don't care.

"You don't look so hot," he says before taking the wrapped sub beside him. "Have you eaten? We can split it, if you want."

I don't say anything. I can't. Casper is still smiling even though I keep my silence with a stoic face. He splits the sub rather messily but still offers me the better half.

We eat in silence for a bit. The food holds easier since he's beside me, but I won't admit that to him anytime soon. I just listen to the way he quickly chews and swallows like the world would end if he doesn't eat fast enough. He says nothing about that day. I know I shouldn't either. But it's eating me alive, gnawing the walls of my stomach 'til I feel like offing myself just to make it quit.

"I don't get it," I say.

"Get what?"

"Why did you ignore me? Why are you here now, acting like nothing's wrong?"

Casper stops chewing for a moment to swallow, but he doesn't take another bite. He stares down at the sandwich and sighs. "I'm sorry; I know that was a bitchy move. I've just been conflicted. After I met up with you I told Aaron what you said, and he flipped out on me. Said some things."

The churning starts again. "What things?"

"Stupid things." He shakes his head. "He said you were in love with me or something. The creepy kind. He said if I don't take care, you'd bring me down with you."