Before I Ever Met You: A Euphoria Book~(Nate and Jules)

1-The Allure of Me

JULES

Every single day of my life has been hard to explain.

Sometimes, I don't even want to try to go about explaining my life to other people.

I don't want to hear the same bullshit pity party stories about how I'm the girl who chose to be herself and doesn't deserve to be alone , or the girl that's not a girl that suffers from bullying in her high school days of freedom and fun. 

Because I don't need to be pitied.

I don't want to be an object that you can walk by and look at like the mirrors at the carnival. 

I don't wanna be the one who has to let herself go because no normal guy wants someone who has the ability to dare to change their very identity.

No, none of those things apply here.

I just want to be loved.  To be understood. To be cared for inexplicably and irrecoverably and all the other shit that you find in a Twilight novel.

I didn't know how everyone would take to me when I first walked into West Highland. I knew I'd turn heads, if not for the fact of my gender transition then definitely for my clothes. I watch a lot of anime, and it shows; particularly with my fuzzy pink backpack and Sailor Moon style skirts. I just have always loved the concept of Japanese kawaii (cuteness) dress, that inner desire to be otherworldly in beauty. It looked like I was from another world if you looked at me in a certain light, so why not look the part?

That's when I met her.

Rue, I mean.

The tall coffee brown-colored girl in a faded maroon jacket and a long striped shirt and jeans just staring at me with that faded expression on her face. A random person might think she was on some kind of drugs; but I could see what was really inside her head in that moment. Her face, as monotone as it could possibly be, read HELP ME. Her dark circles under her eyes said I AM NOT OKAY. Her staring into space, or rather into my eyes, said I AM ALONE, I HAVE NO ONE ELSE.

Sounded pretty familiar if you thought about it....

It was really fucking sad to be honest. I felt this amazing connection to her just by looking into her face. I felt drawn to her, an alluring sense of a need to be friends with her.

So I decided to make conversation with her and see if it worked. I walked up and smiled at her.

"Hey, do you know where Biology 301 is?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm headed there. I'm Rue." She said with a slight perk in her voice and a glow in her face no, "You new here?"

"Yeah," I laughed nervously. This Rue girl was really a very pretty girl, or so I thought. It was a candid observation at best, but this was worth mentioning.

"I'm Jules." I added.

"Cool. Walk with me. I'll show you around this fucking dump of a school." Rue laughed. Her laugh sounded like a quick flicker of joy in every sound. I loved her laugh and her smile so far; I just wished she would use it more.

I'm very aware that I had only come into contact with this girl for literally five minutes of my life, but there was just something about her that made me feel unnaturally tingly inside. A sense of belonging, maybe? I wasn't expecting to belong anywhere, but hopefully me and Rue could get along here.

"Oh, lit. The whole gang is here." Rue smiled big and wide.

I stared down at my feet awkwardly as I came into contact with four girls who were very different in their own individualistic way. There was a blonde girl with perky boobs and a genuinely friendly smile, wearing a blue tank top and matching blue shorts. A Hispanic girl with rhinestone studs in her makeup and a purple top and matching leggings that matched her purple and gold nails and wide gold hoops looked bitchy on the outside but genuinely sweet on the inside was writing something on paper. A slightly heavy set girl in fishnet stockings, a choker and a Daddy's Little Girl shirt on was on her phone, texting with ease. And a very sweet and bookish brown haired girl with a simple gold heart chain around her green turtleneck and she was in jeans and golden brown leather shoes smiled at me like the blonde girl did. They looked as if they were related.

"Uhhh, yo? Anyone listening?" Rue motioned and they all looked up.

"Hi, you must be new. I'm Lexie. Welcome to our school." The brown haired girl smiled at me and warmly welcomed me. I liked her so far.

"Your hair is so pretty, holy shit. Rue, where the fuck did you find her? She's a fucking baddie." The Hispanic girl chewed her gum loudly as she spoke, and I took a seat across from Rue in front of the blonde girl and behind the Hispanic girl.

"Oh, we just met." Rue said lazily in such a chill way.

"I'm Maddy. I got you if you need ANYTHING. Also, that bag is so fucking cute." She said as she touched my backpack. It had fuzzy pink fur on the lining of it around the zipper seam.

"Oh, thank you." I answered softly as I looked down at my nails.

"I'm Cassie."

I looked up to see the blonde girl speaking to me.

"Can I ask you something? Like I don't wanna be personal or anything but like um, are you a trans girl?"  She blushed with slight embarrassment.

"Cass! That's not what you should ask her." Lexie scolded her.

Yep, those two were sisters. The voices slightly matched up.

"Uh, no, it's fine..." I giggled nervously, "Yes I did transition when I was like younger? And I'm okay with questions about it."

"Well, you let us know if anyone's giving you any fucking shit about it. Okay?" Maddy replied with an attitude that read I'M A CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER, TEST ME ONE  MOTHERFUCKING TIME OR I WILL GUT YOUR ASS LIKE A FISH, BITCH!

"Umm okay." I laughed nervously, hoping to not get my ass beat at any time in the future by this undeniably crazy yet friendly girl.

"Kat, get off your fucking phone and talk to Jules." Maddy snapped on her.

"Oh shit, sorry. Uh, hey. I'm Kat." She said as she smiled at me.

"Jules."  I laughed.

I really liked these girls so far, and I for once in my life began to feel like I could fit in....

I just hoped it was the real deal this time.

But then again, when it comes to new friendships, there's the security of knowing the bliss of possibility.

Right?