It's Always Been You

Prologue

I've never been big on changes, if that makes sense. Growing up, I thought I would live in my treasured Copenhagen my whole life. It was my home. That is, until the accident. The accident that took three of the most important people in my life - my Dad, my beautiful older sister Astrid, and my grandfather, leaving behind me, my heartbroken Mom, my older brother Andreas, and my younger sister Julie.

We left everything behind, the comfort and safety of both mine and my mother's childhood home in Denmark, and emigrated to Sweden, moving in with my Dad's Swedish side, my newly widowed grandmother. Despite the two countries not being very far, as a twelve year old girl, Sweden felt like a whole world away, and I struggled to settle in. My brother, having just turned 16, tried his best to help support the family, along with my mother taking up a job nearby as a waitress, giving up on her lifelong dream to be an author. She picked up multiple side jobs in order to pay for my football lessons, and help fulfil my dream of being a professional footballer. I owe everything to her, she showed me true selfless love, and made so many sacrifices for my siblings and I. Every night she would say, 'Valentine. My darling Lennie. I love you so so much. Never leave.' My little sister cried a lot, she was eight, and I saw the way it affected my family. I tried my best to save my crying for when I was alone, wanting to appear strong, even if I was nearly at a breaking point. It stayed that way as I grew up, and I have only let in a select few, and even they have barely seen all of my emotions.

After a couple years in Sweden, my family and I started to find our stride. My brother was able to get a scholarship to university, and my mother opened up a small cafe. Julie started crying less and laughing more, turning Sweden into her home. I began to treasure Stockholm, and I started to hate Copenhagen. I tried not to think about my life there, and all the memories, positive or negative, as it normally ended up with me extremely angry, and sometimes with a panic attack. I suffered with extremely bad anxiety during my teenage years after the accident, so I did my best to shut out Denmark and any ideas of the past. We grew more financially stable, and at age 18 I began my professional career at Linköping, moving out and away from my family. It was definitely hard for me at first, I was young and naïve, but I'm grateful for it. I wish I could see my family more often, and even though they try to travel and occasionally watch my matches, especially when I'm back in Sweden with the national team, it's still not as much as I would've liked. Because of covid, I haven't had a proper Christmas in nearly 2 years, and I miss them terribly.

Linköping set off my career in ways I didn't know possible, I was a young prodigy, and called up to the Swedish national team shortly after their spell at the 2015 World Cup. Choosing Sweden over Denmark was an easy choice, as I wanted to honour my father and grandfather's Swedish blood, and Sweden had become my home. Being familiar with Sweden, I felt comfortable and really enjoyed the two years I spent there. At first, the coaches and manager experimented with my position, playing me around at the two wingbacks, all around the midfield, and up front, as both wingers and as a central striker. I was two footed, and am able to play well on both sides, but after some experimenting away from my teenage role as a left back, I shifted to the role of a midfielder. It suited me well, and after starting nearly every match for the club in my second season in the central midfield role at just 19 years old, I gained a lot of attention, and was slightly shocked at the interest I received from other clubs.

It took a lot of convincing for me to move to Germany. My agent told me it would be best for my career, and my new Swedish national teammates shared their stories on Germany. I eventually agreed, and ended up moving to Bayern Munich after my silver Olympic medal in 2016. I never was comfortable at Bayern though, struggling with the German environment. I spoke German, having learnt it at school, but I felt so lonely, although I didn't necessarily have no friends. The manager wasn't able to play me to the best of my abilities, and I ended up moving to Manchester City in England from 2018. I spent three seasons there, but because of Covid I felt isolated and never found my groove. The 2018/2019 started out well, and we ended up second in the league, but covid disrupted both my second and third season there, and then I suffered an ACL injury in 2020, which was extremely hard on me, and I was at one of my lowest points. My then girlfriend, Scottish international Caroline Weir and I broke up, due to the long distance and pressure, as I was recovering in Sweden, which definitely didn't make my mental health any better. However, I was able to push back and recover in time for the Olympics, just under a year after my surgery.

The Olympics. A dream experience. The 2020 games were my second, as I had won the silver medal back in 2016 with Sweden. Determined to come back and win gold, we started off with a dream start, winning 3-0 against main title contenders the USA, and finishing first in our group. We had beaten the USA and the Matildas, who definitely had a chance for the medal, so we were filled with so much confidence, and pretty much cruised through all our matches until the final against Canada. They had just won narrowly against the USA in the semis, sending them to the final. The score ended in a draw, 1-1, and after an exhausting period of extra time, it came to a penalty shoot out. I had played the full 120, as my ability as a central midfielder had earned me a key player role on the national team, so I was both physically and mentally drained. Stepping up for the first penalty was a sacrifice I made, inspired by my Mom, as I never was a usual penalty kick taker. I can't remember much from that moment, but when my shot was saved by goalkeeper Labbé, I felt numb. I knew I set the tone for the rest of the kicks, and after six hardly fought penalties and near win moments for us, Canada won 3-4. Although we won the silver, knowing we were capable of so much more, I felt so much regret, and spent the next two weeks completely unresponsive to the social world. The summer ended with my family and I taking a road trip around Sweden, enjoying the Scandinavian summer I had missed so much.

When I was contacted with the opportunity to sign for European giants, French side Lyon, I couldn't say no. After the disappointment at the Olympics and the unsettling covid filled season at Manchester City, I felt compelled for a new adventure. It was definitely one of the biggest risks of my life, moving without speaking a single bit of French, and to a team where I didn't know anyone, but for some reason I knew it was where I needed to go. Away from England, from Caroline, away from Sweden, and just somewhere fresh. It was unlike me to take these sort of steps in my career, as I like stability, so the whole time on the plane ride there, I was nervous that I made a mistake. I had never made such a spontaneous decision, but I hoped that everything would work out, and maybe my worries would all magically go away.

AN: Hi everyone and welcome to my first WOSO story - I can't wait for this!
- first off, I will try to be as regular with new chapters as I can, but it might be difficult because of school so apologies beforehand
- also please excuse the quality of the writing it may not be amazing!
- if you have any requests please send them in as I want to write more
THANK YOU!!!! Stay tuned for updates xx
Iris<3