It's Always Been You

Chapter 15

December 2021 - Stockholm, Sweden

My time in Sweden was passing by quickly, and every day was similar. I would wake up and have some breakfast with my family, we would then either take a walk or go into town, eat at some local restaurant for lunch, and then return and rest, before doing some sort of family activity and dinner. It was relaxing to take a break as well as spend some time with family. A few of my friends from school came around, so it was nice to reunite with them, and there was just an overall festive atmosphere. We were all excited for Christmas, so there was a lot of gingerbread houses, gift buying, and family competitions. We had always been extremely competitive, even if it was just in friendly contests at home.

The anniversary of the accident was quickly approaching however, and the night before, I decided to go to bed a little early. Everyone else was playing a board game in the living room, so I was alone, and had time to myself. The next day, we would all be going to the graveyard where they were buried, like we did every year, but the night before was always difficult for us all. It was when we overthought the most, dreaded the journey to the cemetery, We all handled grief, and the 22nd, very differently, with Andreas and Mom trying their hardest to be as confident as they could, not showing any sign of sadness. I felt similarly, however while they preferred the company of each other, I preferred to be myself. Julie is constantly crying, and I can always hear her sobbing throughout the night. Farmor busies herself with chores, taking over cooking, and doing some cleaning, despite there not being anything to even clean. She usually goes to bed early as well, trying to sleep her worries away.

I was just scrolling through social media, in order to see what everyone was up to and distract myself. Most of the Lyon girls had travelled to their respective homes, and I loved seeing not only their adventures, but tons of other football players as well. Some had shared pics of the warmth of Australia, while some were on vacation. Ellie had gone back home, along with Damaris, and Daan had gone to the Netherlands. I had been texting her daily since the break started, although today I had stayed away from online communication.

"I thought you were sleeping." Julie said, coming in. I put my phone away, and made room for her next to me.

"Want to look at some pictures?" I asked, getting out my laptop. Julie and I had a tradition to look through old pictures the night before, as a way of remembrance.

"Sure." She responded, before getting in beside me, tucking herself underneath the numerous blankets on my bed. There was a specific album, which was filled with loads of pictures we had collected throughout the years. Photos of printed out photographs from when Dad and Farfar were younger, and film camera pictures which documented some of our Christmas' growing up, Astrid and I with our light blue Malmö jerseys from the early 2000's, which we still had hanging up even now. Pictures of Astrid when Julie was born, and a video of her arguing with Andreas over who could play with me. Photos of butterflies and flowers that Astrid had taken with a film camera she had stolen from Dad, pictures they themselves had taken, and loads more of Mom and Dad together, their dates, even some from their wedding. It was so nice to look back at all the memories, and although we had plenty on our walls, photos had a specific way of making you almost see the world through their eyes, reliving their life through a set of pictures.

I was practically falling asleep, as Julie continued scrolling through. "Len?" She asked suddenly, "Can you give me some advice?"

"Sure, hit me." I said invitingly. Although Julie was now 21, I still thought of her as my baby sister, and although we didn't have a very big age difference, and I don't want to sound too motherly, I loved watching her grow up throughout the years. It filled me with pride being able to see her become such a strong and independent person, and I was so thankful to have her, especially since so many of my other loved ones had been taken away.