CHAPTER FOURTEEN ━━ LETTERS TO JULIET Sacrifice! 0214
TODAY IS SPECIAL — IT'S JULES'S 19th birthday ( October 13th )! Riley has been making such a big deal out of it the past couple weeks because he's missed nearly six of her birthdays. But Jules didn't mind; she's missed just as many of his so she was relieved for the celebration, as well as the chance to inflict celebratory revenge on her brother for his birthday when the time comes.
"Jules!" Riley ran into the living room where Jules was currently watching Ant-Man. "Dinner is ready. Get your ass in here."
After pausing the movie, Jules headed into the dining room where Riley had set the table with all kinds of different decorations. There were Christmas lights and little Santa figurines, some mini pumpkins the size of oranges, and some colorful tinsel. All of it was placed on top of a tablecloth with red, white and blue fireworks and swirls.
"Ta-da!" Riley sang, throwing around his arms, a huge smile on his face. "I didn't have time to go the mainland and get birthday decorations. So I made do with what I had."
"No, Ri, I love it." Jules smiled widely at him. "I really fucking love it. Thank you."
Jules wrapped Riley in a hug, and she held onto him so tightly, as she was afraid all of this was some sort of twisted fever dream. Like she would wake up any second to find it had all been just a figment of her imagination. Riley responded by picking her up and twirling her around, earning a screech and a laugh from his baby sister. But he set her down, saying that he was "too damn hungry for this."
The siblings sat down and dug into the Alfredo pasta Riley had prepared. Jules couldn't express to him how his commitment to her made her so unbelievably happy. It made her heart swell until it ached. It didn't seem to be with joy or happiness, though. It felt like grief boring into her muscles, tearing everything apart from the inside out.
Rafe should be here.
Rafe should be here eating her favorite pasta with her and her brother on her nineteenth birthday. He would have loved getting to know Riley and just talking to him as they had never met before Riley had left. Jules couldn't fight back the few tears that had suddenly found themselves inching down her cheek.
"J?" Riley set down his glass of water and reached for his sister's hand. "Y'wanna talk about it?" he asked softly.
"I miss him," she admitted weakly after a few moments. "So much."
Because the truth is, she hadn't just lost Rafe, her boyfriend. She had also lost Rafe, her best friend of nearly six years. There was a hole in her soul that couldn't be repaired or filled, that couldn't be replenished or satisfied. It was an abyss within that was excruciatingly nauseating, a black pit that grappled for control over her soul.
"I know," Riley murmured, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. "It's okay to miss him. I don't blame you."
She slowly turned her eyes to her brother. "Do you ever wish you could go back and do it all again?"
Riley sighed, lowering his head. "Of course I do," he told her in a reverent tone. "But I did what was best for me in the end. I know I did the right thing for my benefit and for the sake of my wellbeing. The last thing I wanted was to abandon you the way I did. But if doing all of that again, going through all that shit for a second time, meant that I could get to see you again, I would. I would do it in a heartbeat if I knew we would both be okay.
"With that being said, could you say the same about Rafe? Could you say you would do it all again even if you knew you would get hurt?"
Jules didn't know the answer to that. She couldn't find it in herself to say yes or no. So she kept her mouth shut, letting a few more tears fall.
"It's okay not to know. But I think that's enough of that." Riley stood up. "Let's get ready for your friends to come over!"
She'd forgotten that she had invited all of her friends over to play games and watch movies. Riley helped her get everything ready including a couple bowls of popcorn prepared that sat on the coffee table next to the various Batman comics.
The Goonies was paused and ready to go on the TV. It was almost 7:00PM, the time that they had all agreed on about a week ago. Anticipation and excitement coursed through Jules as this would be the first time she's been with all her friends since the beach. It was going to be a night to remember.
It was nearing 9:00. No one had shown up, and Jules was more than convinced that they ditched her for a party, they had forgotten, or something. But wallowing over it wasn't worth the hassle and heartache. Yet she was still sulking on the couch like a child.
Riley had joined her some time ago. He didn't say anything as he turned on 10 Things I Hate About You, because he knew it was her favorite movie of all time. Jules wiped away her hot, angry tears as she cuddled up next to her brother and watched the movie.
Not even thirty minutes later, there was a knock at the front door. As Riley got up to answer it, Jules prayed it was at least Sarah. God, if it was, she could at least get some answers from her best friend about what was going on, why it was just her and her brother the night of her birthday.
But Riley came back in alone. He held a black envelope in his hands. As he sat back down on the couch next to his sister, he held it out for her to take. Plastered on the front side was her name, written in familiar handwriting in silver Sharpie.
"It's for you."
Jules's heart was beating wildly as she hesitantly took the envelope from Riley. She sat up and shredded it open, pulling out a folded piece of paper.
"Who's it from?" Riley asked.
The girl closed her eyes. "Rafe."
"Oh, my God . . ."
Jules ignored her brother and unfolded the paper with shaking fingers.
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Jules sniffled as she reached the end of the letter, the wet inhale coming as a shock to her. She looked down to see tear stains littered across the piece of paper because of her incessant but unexpected crying.
Riley reached for the paper and set it down on the surface of the coffee table. He turned back to her and tucked her into his arms. Her crying deepened, resulting in harsh hiccups and loud sobbing. She hadn't felt this broken and ruined since the beach.
But she just kept crying and crying and crying, barely registering Riley rubbing her back and his other hand latched firmly onto the back of her neck. A sense of safety suddenly washed over her, and her crying eased up as she relaxed against her brother's chest. His grip on her didn't let up, even when her eyes fluttered shut and she fell asleep with her head in his lap.
