𝙏𝙤𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙬 𝙈𝙖𝙮 𝙍𝙖𝙞𝙣 // Paul McCartney

¸.·✩·.¸¸.·¯⍣✩ 14. 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 ✩⍣¯·.¸¸.·✩·.¸

TW: self harm, death, vomiting

i hate you for what you did

and i miss you like a little kid

i faked it every time, but that's alright

i can hardly feel anything, i hardly feel anything at all

phoebe bridgers

✩⍣¯·.¸¸.·✩·.¸

july 30, 1960

"hello, elaine? elaine, are you there?" her mother cried into the phone, the tone of her voice alarming.

elaine stood with the phone in her hand, completely in shock.

"y-yes... i'm here..." she managed, palms growing sweaty. "what's happened, mum,"

"it's audrey..." she responded, voice cracking, "she was in a car wreck..."

elaine dropped the phone, her face turned pale as a heavy feeling formed in her chest. she slid down the wall, sitting on the floor with her hands covering her face. she tried to regulate her breathing as a wave of panic stunned her.

hearing her mother continue to yell on the other side of the receiver, she pulled the cord down to her level as she sat cross-legged, rocking herself. she lifted the phone to her ear again. "is.. is she ok?" she whispered as her head filled with worst-case scenarios. "...is my car ok?" she squeaked.

"who gives a damn about your car, elaine! she's dead!" shrieked her mother from the other end of the phone. "the police showed up on my doorstep to let me know she died," she sobbed.

elaine paused. she couldn't quite fathom her mother's words.

she's dead.

"a-are you sure there isn't some mistake?"

"am i sure? are you mental? i was brought to the site of the accident to identify her. she blew her mind out in a damn car, i can tell you that much!" her mother wailed, breaking into violent sobs again. "i had to look at her all bloodied up in the wreckage!"

elaine shuttered, picturing the things her mother had seen earlier that night. she sat in silence for a moment, letting her mother compose herself again before talking again.

"what exactly happened?" she sniffed, wiping a single tear from her eye.

"they aren't sure yet, the coroner's report hasn't been completed. i need you to come down here tomorrow for the news of that, as well as for planning her funeral..." her mother demanded, "i need you right now, elaine. pack for a couple of weeks."

struck in shock, elaine agreed. she told her mother that she loved her before hanging up the phone and sitting on the floor of her kitchen for a moment, trying to grasp the content of the dreaded phone call.

she peered across the room, spotting the note she had crumpled and thrown angrily earlier that day. she crawled to it, opening it and reading it over and over again. she hugged it, pretending it was her sister, not able to comprehend that it was the last words she would ever communicate to her. 

hopefully she didn't pass thinking i was angry.

she felt like there was something wrong with her; she wanted to cry, but no tears would fall. she wanted to scream, but no voice would come out. she wanted to ask for help, but nothing could be done. she couldn't recognize anything at all, other than the dreaded heavy feeling in her chest. this was not a new feeling-- after her father's passing, it stuck. finally, after years, she had controlled the dark, dull pain. moving to liverpool had been a catalyst in her recovery, but she couldn't help but feel as if all of her progress has been undone after that phone call. sprawled on the floor, staring at the ceiling she tried to sense something else within her. there was nothing but an overwhelming feeling of nausea, and an intense urge to close her eyes.